Alas Alas, Our Judgement Cometh

Note: I also blog at AOL’s Political Machine, as many of you know. This morning they gave us an assignment which made me pretty grouchy. They wanted every blogger to post their predictions for the electoral college results as well as the house and senate. I suspect they, like the rest of the media, want McCain voters discouraged. They want us to believe it’s all over but the crying. Still, my task was there and I had to deal with it. So I played the game, but my own way. Below, please find the results. That’ll learn em. (Due to AOL’s rules, I have to link you to the finish.)

Obama Reaches Voters

Verily, while in repose there came upon mine eyes a darkness. And in its grip my mind was given to see upon the day of choosing, and lo I was able to tell what that day would bring upon us.

It came to pass in the year two thousand and eight, there dwelt upon the land of America a great strife. The peoples of the earth mingled freely in this land, but were sore afraid. They wandered in fear of a recurrence of the great soup times of many years gone. They believed the oceans themselves awaited their fate on the day of choosing, when the tide would know whether to rise or fall. And walking among and above them all was The One.

The One went from one state to the next on that day, reaching out his hand to those called voters. One state at a time, the voters took that hand.

The mighty heretic Tommy Christopher was there. "The light is upon us" he sayeth, verily. "The signs are here, that He who we have chosen will walk in the house of white." And though it was only the hour of eight in the morning, Tommy Christopher was sure of his claim to victory.

In the darkest valley of the land there strode a terrible monster. A malodorous and foul beast, the ogre Olber Man feasted upon carrion and howled in his wretched voice. And the valley shook as he spake against Tommy Christopher saying "I called it for the One sixty and four days past and gone. Thou art the carrier of water for the Ancient One".

The Ancient One, too, strode across the land. In every town and village he beseeched and sought allies, calling out "My friend, my friends!" But as the day of choosing wore on, those friends became fewer.

A great war was upon the land. The men of ass and the men of elephant faced off in contest after contest. And one by one the men of elephant fell. The power of the One was too great, the people of the land too blessed.

In mine eye my vision shifted. A man of ass, heavy and beset with madness, spake to his allies and named them "hick." They called him Murtha, and he fell in battle. There was much rejoicing.