Things To Do in Denver When You're Red

“I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This … reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell … if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it.” – Agent Smith

Denver 2008. Medea Benjamin, Ward Churchill, Cindy Sheehan. Ted Kennedy.

Denver. The smell of marijuana. The heat of crowds. The conflicting senses of excitement and dread.

Denver. This week, it is hostile territory. The streets are roamed by creatures you rarely see outside of photos on blogs like Zombietime. People in fake Gitmo jumpsuits, people with hoods on their heads. People with more metal in their faces than there is in a Prius. It is a cloying, gnawing atmosphere. If you’re a Republican in Denver this week, you know what I mean.

From this house of horrors, I’ve so far posted only two clips from the Recreate 68 protest. In the first, we saw Griff Jenkins and his Fox News crew assaulted. Next was a typical marcher crying police violence and admitting there’d been none in the same 30 second clip. The protesters were, if this is even possible, uniformly disorganized. Disoriented, in some cases. For a RedStater in Denver, I think the best word to describe them would be: fun.

I call that one “Make War, Not … War.”

Oh, there’s more.

This next one may only be funny to me.

Something about asking such an incoherently earnest hippie to explain why my grandmother was never arrested just amuses the immigrant in me. While the grownup in me likes exposing the weakness of the logic on ridiculous signs like his.

This next crew is not so funny. They proclaim their solidarity with Muqtada Al Sadr. (photos only)

Al Sadr Solidarity 2

Al Sadr 
Solidarity 1

Speaking of nasty, listen to this little ray of sunshine:

That same guy went on to chant “America Off The Planet.” Charming. I can’t imagine why he doesn’t like being questioned about his assertions. Oh wait, right, I forgot. He’s a lying tool. (I was going to say malignant tumor, but I thought tool was a little more condescendingly mocking. Tough call.) There was actually a little more to that clip where I sent the little punk with the pen light running tail tucked, but I used a naughty word and my mom will see this, so I cut it. Cope.


Yeah, that sign is funny and sad enough it didn’t really need a lead-in. In fact, as for pics that don’t require commentary:



Does anyone else find it weird he opted for the “whom”? Speaking of weird, this next charming fellow seems to have confused his talking points … or something:

It’s funny how evidently funny he finds himself. As I was walking away he pitifully added “because it’s not torture, right?” Yeah, totally get it dude. For real. I have some stuff to do over here now, though, but nice job. Mm hmm. Interrogate the first lady, yes I get it. Really though, quite busy. Sorry to dash. Oh, hey look over there, is that Che Guevara!?


… and I don’t use punctuation cause it’s for suckers! I found this haphazard, awkward sign funny. I r smarter than Bush. I can has pizza box to make sign with?

And tell me the next guy doesn’t sit up with his punk friends late at night, a shoplifted six-pack and clove cigarettes close at hand, “jamming” and spinning lyrics, biting off Rage Against the Machine and cursing as hard as he can until someone’s mom wakes up and the frantic emergency smoke-out-window evacuation procedure begins. Tell me that doesn’t happen! I DARE you!

In closing, I want to share with you some wisdom. I can’t tell you who shared the wisdom with me, he was incognito.

Dave’s not here man, indeed. He’s in Denver, chanting “we won’t be silenced” to hundreds of cameras and reporters there expressly to transmit what he says. I’ll tell Dave hello for you all, and I’ll try really hard not to use a naughty word when I do.