Invisibility, Corpse of Bigfoot, Celebrity Chef International Spies, and Secret Laser Death Rays

I guess this is what you get when the National Enquirer breaks a big story like the John Edwards thing (which you can discuss at this handy Video Thread). Today was a National Enquirer day in the MSM. I thought I’d round some up and call it:

The RedState Inquirer

Celebrity Chef Espionage

First, from Fox News, is the revelation that famed chef and famously odd person Julia Child was part of a vast spy network under Franklin Roosevelt. This precursor to the CIA was the United States’ first centralized intelligence effort.

Child was one among a number of famous names on the list of over 24,000 people, which was released by the National Archives this week.

I can see it now … Spy Chef: Snipers kill from afar; cooks from within
Fox Fall!

Read On …

Invisibility Cloak

I don’t mean an IP scrambler either. Researchers have announced they are closer to creating materials which could make you invisible. They are “closer” by virtue of having demonstrated that they are able to cloak three-dimensional objects. I’d call that closer.

Keeping up? Clandestine cooks to be aided by Klingon cloaking device. But what can they use for weapons?

Secret Laser Death Rays

(I really like saying that.) Boeing announced today the first successful test of a deadly ray-gun which could “become US special forces’ way to carry out covert strikes with “plausible deniability.” (I know. Trust me, it’s as fun typing it as reading it.)

Clandestine cooks. Klingon Kloaks. Secret Laser Death Rays.

I did mention the Secret Laser Death Rays right? But what remains is how to test all this. What can you kill to really prove it all worthwhile. It has to be hard to kill. Heck, hard to find. Should be something so sneaky and … wait a second …

Big Foot on Ice*
*(Not to be confused with the Disney ice skating extravaganza of the same name.)

Big foot lived … then some southerners got together with some californians, and now we have a corpse. No, I’m not talking about your last frat party. Four men claim to have the body of the hairy recluse along with other evidence. They claim to also have DNA evidence … as in, besides the body? Let’s not dwell.

It’s sad to see him go. I think it’s safe to assume he had a wounded raccoon that he tended to every night like this – Rooh! Rooh! But then they shoot you! But you teach us about stuff, saquatch. We’ll miss you.

Anyway, the important thing to remember is this. Secret agent chefs with invisibility cloaks can laser your big foot to death whenever they like. Take THAT common sense. In the words of Fry:

“I knew it! Insane theories: One! Regular theories a billion.”