Certain people keep opining that the Tea Party is all but dead, but those who wish for the demise of the Tea Party are missing the emerging new political infrastructure where Tea Party groups have set aside rallies for political action. Consider Wisconsin to determine where the Tea Party is going in 2012 and beyond.
A look at the Tea Party in Wisconsin shows serious political players in this incredibly important recall game. During 2011, the Tea Party stepped up time and again during the protests over the Budget Repair Bill, the re-election of Justice Prosser, the Prosser Recount, the recalls of State Senators who fled to Illinois, and in the August Recall elections.
Certain people keep opining that the Tea Party is all but dead, but those who wish for the demise of the Tea Party are missing the emerging new political infrastructure where Tea Party groups have set aside rallies for political action. Consider Wisconsin to determine where the Tea Party is going in 2012 and beyond.
A look at the Tea Party in Wisconsin shows serious political players in this incredibly important recall game. During 2011, the Tea Party stepped up time and again during the protests over the Budget Repair Bill, the re-election of Justice Prosser, the Prosser Recount, the recalls of State Senators who fled to Illinois, and in the August Recall elections.
Tonight’s PCW show was to have started off with the big match between
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) representing ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) vs. Jim Schmidt (R) accompanied by Ron
Paul (R-TX). Except for one single, teeny-tiny problem…
BACKSTAGE The Republican Establishment in the form of Corporate
Might: Big Oil and
Kirk Walstreit (R) took turns stomping away at Schmidt. Big Oil lifted Schmidt
up and put him in the piledriver position and delivered an Oklahoma Driller on the floor.
Tanaka walked out grinning, thinking that he was about to have an easy
night. Then…this….
PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) in the
ring.
Boehner: As the leader of the PCW Competition
Committee, and since we have no opponent tonight for Yamamoto Tanaka…
Crowd: BOOOOOOOO!
Boehner: I have no other choice but to declare
Tanaka…and Mitt Romney…the-
Texas Jackruns down the ramp, passes Paul, and goes right to
the ring. He throws Boehner out and starts trading shots with Tanaka.
A referee slides into the ring and we’re off.
Suffice to say, Boehner goes off like that elf in the movie ‘Bad
Santa!’
No, not THAT elf! Well kinda…but no!
Okay. Yeah. That guy.
Meanwhile…
Texas Jack decks Tanaka with a left hand. He climbs the top
turnbuckle…SPLASH! Texas Jack hooks the leg…one…two…WHAT?
That’s right, Big Oil came to ringside and pulled the referee out.
Then it got even better…
Suave: “The crowd is pissed and rightly so.
Texas Jack is shouting at Big Oil. He doesn’t see Tanaka. HOLY CRAP!
From behind, Tanaka grabbed Texas Jack and dropped him like a bad
habit with the Scorpion Death Drop. But Tanaka wasn’t done yet…
Suave: Tanaka’s has Texas Jack on the top
rope…no…no…JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER! Tanaka covers…Boehner’s in the ring…he
makes the count…1…2..3.
WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka (R) @ 14:02
Suave would call for the police to come down after Big Oil, Kirk Walstreit,
and PCW Champion Daniel-San hit the ring and beat on Texas Jack.
Er, no. I don’t think he’s coming to Texas Jack’s rescue. I don’t think
he’s coming to anyone else’s rescue either to be honest.
But someone else did…
Suave: IT’S A-BOMB! IT’S A-BOMB!
A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy
Cutter-Bomb
The crowd pops when A-Bomb, bandaged up from his beatdown Thursday night, and
Daisy Cutter-Bomb runs to the ring. And he’s on…
…yeah, something like that.
A-Bomb pulls Daniel-San off Texas Jack. Daniel-San swings;
A-Bomb ducks and then whips him through the ropes to the floor. Walstreit comes
over- Daisy intercepts and kicks him in the balls. Then she takes his breath
away with a devastating Daisy Cutter Powerbomb. Tanaka and Big Oil retreat from
the ringwhen the Tea Party: Average Joe, ‘Tin Cup’ Ray McAvay, and NRA
show up as well.
—————————————————-
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife
have pulled the United States
apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find
themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an
attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind
attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest
challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in
the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from
undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a
cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A.
Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political
satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
———————————————
And of course, next came the obligatory Jesusland vs. Progressiveville match
to promote the book.
MATCH #2
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
(I) w/Rah vs.
Happy Mango (I)
But! Before the match could get started, David Brock of
Media Matters For America comes out and interrupts the proceedings. Brock, who
is parodied in the book as well as most of the main political ‘stars’, is not
happy about his portrayal.
David Brock: That is not fair. You equate us as being
no better than the lying conservative scum who-
Excerpt from Jesusland vs. Progressiveville:
A man
wearing a white shirt with black pinstripes stood up. “Ma’am, given the fact
that there appears to be some significant movement forward from the initial
meetings, how long will it be before there will be some sort of official
announcement?”
“It’ll be soon.”
“A follow up,” the reporter said. “Just how soon?”
“Really, really soon.”
“We object!”
Amy sighed and pointed to two men who shot up out of their chairs.
“What?”
“Eric Boehlert,” the man on the left said.
“David Brock,” the man on the right said.
“We’re from Media Matters for America,” Boehlert said.
“What’s your question?” queried Amy.
Brock answered, “We protest the fact that you allowed the last reporter, who
works for the Wall Street Journal- known for its bias towards conservatives, to
ask a follow up question. That validates his first question which we see as
slanted towards a conservative viewpoint.”
Amy scratched her head. “He asked a perfectly reasonable question.”
“We object to the fact that you are allowing the right wing to spew their
hate filled propaganda,” Boehlert said.
Brock added, “You’re helping to push the conservative’s extreme agenda by
giving their questions such credence.”
Amy considered her options. “Hey, guys? Look. I am not biased in any way.
Hell, I’m a big fan of the Dixie Chicks and I feel that what’s happened to them
is a crime. So-”
“I OBJECT!”
Amy’s eyes fluttered and she shook her head. “All right, who are you?”
“Noel Sheppard. NewsBusters. We take on and fight liberal media bias.”
“And what do you want? Are you implying that I’m somehow biased?”
“Yes,” Sheppard said matter of factly. It’s a well known fact that liberals
use their sympathizers in the media to further their left wing agendas.”
“All I said was that I was a big fan of the Dixie Chicks. And what happened
to them was a crime.”
“So you agree with the Dixie Chicks,” accused Sheppard. “I knew you were
biased.”
“What?”
“SHE’S BIASED!”
Amy glared at Sheppard.
———————-
Of course, Brock again takes great exception at the comparison and threatens
to put Political Championship Wrestling and the author of Jesusland vs.
Progressiveville, Mr. A. Nominous, on his enemies list. And then the most
peculiar thing happened…
Okay, okay. More peculiar than the Beach Boys getting back together for
their 50th anniversary.
Suave: “Some guy with a bow-tie is running to the ring!
Wait a minute? Is that Paul Simon?
The Late Senator Paul Simon (D-IL)
Suave: No, wait. He’s dead. I don’t
believe it. Is that Tucker freakin’ Carlson?
Tucker freakin’ Carlson (R)
Carlson has a chair and hits the ring. He blasts Brock with the steel
folding chair. Then something even more inexplicable than the Beach Boys
reuniting and Tucker Carlson doing a run-in takes place…
Alan Dershowitz
Suave: “ALAN DERSHOWITZ?
Dershowitz hands the referee some sort of warrant.
Suave: What the hell is that? A steel folding
chair warrant? Is that anything like the ‘torture warrant’ that Dershowitz once
advocated?
Apparently so. After delivering the warrant, Dershowitz takes the chair from
Carlson and whaps Brock with it. Then he took the microphone.
Dershowitz: “…let me tell you, Max Blumenthal and Media
Matters will be singlehandedly responsible for [Obama] losing the PCW CEO race.
They [the Democrats] cannot win and keep this affiliation with them [Media
Matters].
So after all that, ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin hit a Pizza
Cutter on Happy Mango three seconds into the match. She made the cover and got
the pin.
WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ :06
Next, backstage PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein talks with Mrs.
Miyagi about the break up between her and Daniel-San. Except for the fact that
Mrs. Miyagi really isn’t in a talking mood. At least until Daniel-San shows
up.
Daniel-San: Look, I didn’t care for the way
this whole thing went down. That’s my fault. I’m sor-
Yep. cue John Creese and his Cobra Conservatives walking in to
interrupt the PCW Champion.
John Creese:Mercy is for the weak, Daniel-San. Haven’t
you gotten that through your head? Boys…
Cue the obligatory Cobra Con attack on Mrs. Miyagi. Except Mrs. Miyagi wipes
the floor with Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. So Creese sweeps her leg and
tells Daniel-San to take her out. Daniel-San slaps on the Labell Lock and by
the time Halitosis- the Insane Luchador with Horribly Bad Breath, can reach her
she’s unconscious.
MATCH #3- PCW Television Title Match ‘The One Man
Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
(c) vs. Mitch Thomas- The American
Taxpayer
Of course, Chism wins easily as the American Taxpayer is screwed from the
start when the announcement is made that the national debt will be a trillion
dollars more in a decade than originally forecast.
WINNER AND STILL PCW Television Champion: ‘The One Man Hollywood
A-List’ Stone Chism (D) @ :57
PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Imperial Bowl Pittsfield, MA
Thursday February 9th, 2012
Announcer:
Johnny Suave
Suave welcomed everyone to another edition of PCW Politics is War. He
reviewed what went down Tuesday night at PCW Minnesota Mayhem:
-the preemptive attack on the Right Rev. Randy Richardson
(R), representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad by ‘The
Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt
Romney’s (R-MA) wrestler Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republican Establishment.
-the surprise return of A. Tom Bomb (R). Accompanied by
long time valet, Daisy Cutter-Bomb,
A-Bomb laid waste to Tanaka, K-Roy (R)- representing Newt Gingrich, and Magnum PO’d (R)- for Ron Paul (R-TX) to sweep through the Minnesota Mayhem match
on behalf of Santorum.
Suave announced that Jesusland
vs. Progressiveville, the novel featuring two wrestlers from Political
Championship Wrestling (‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah!),
was released on Kindle earlier today.
The year is 2017. In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife
have pulled the United States
apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find
themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an
attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.
But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind
attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest
challenge to date. With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in
the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from
undermining the summit? Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a
cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.
Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A.
Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political
satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.
Excerpt from ‘Jesusland vs. Progressiveville’:
Suddenly,
the lights turned off and a small spotlight illuminated the door. A man dressed
in a suit and bow-tie walked in. “Ladies and gentlemen,” he said in an
announcer-type voice.
Lingerie Girl facepalmed herself. “Oh no. Not him.”
“I present to you the almost universally-worshipped king of the sun gods of
all creation. He commands the chariot that rode across the sky during the
day. He is the great, fiery globe in the sky, a welcome, nurturing presence to
honor the season. He is the inspiration for those who would throw virgins into
the gaping maw of a volcano – perhaps an Icelandic volcano – even though such
shenanigans haven’t been acceptable since the 1950s. And just for your
reference, he is, for 28 years in a row, proven to be one of UC San Diego’s most
enduring traditions in the Sun God festival- an all-day music festival
celebrated by more than 20,000 students, alumni and friends. But that’s not
important…”
“Does he really have to do this?” asked Ninja Kitty.
“Apparently, yes,” Lingerie Girl replied.
“…Either way, you should thank your lucky stars and kiss his royal ass for
gracing you with his presence here tonight. I give to you…the Sunshine
God…RAAAAAAAAH!”
Lingerie Girl rolled her eyes.
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin
(I) w/Rah
MATCH #1
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I)
w/Rah vs.
‘American Girl‘ Sarah Mae
Smith (R) w/Harley Davisson
Smith challenged the whole concept of the book and blamed
the country’s problems on liberal Democrats. She called herself a ‘true
American’ and went after Martin before the bell rang.
[...Martin and Smith brawl on the floor. Smith gets a swinging bulldog on
Martin and drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl's face into the floor. From
behind, Davisson grabs Martin tiger driver! Rah protests to the referee.
Smith goes corkscrew legdrop but Tessa instinctively moves at the last second.
Rah helps Martin back into the ring and Smith follows suit.
Martin with an arm wrench, then a forearm smash. Legsweep faceslam brings
the American Girl down. Smith back up...PIZZA CUTTER! Smith pinned. The ref
starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @
6:45
BACKSTAGE
Mitt Romney held a ‘press availability’ (isn’t
that a press conference?) get together in the back and had this to say…
Romney: “I’d like to congratulate Rick Santorum on his win
Tuesday night. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean a hill of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia because I will
be the Republican taking on Barack Obama in the fall.”
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then asked Mitt how it couldn’t
mean something after he went to great trouble to take out Rev. Richardson
earlier in the night. Romney disputed that ‘he’d’ gone after anyone. He blamed
the attack on Rev. Richardson on Santorum’s record when he was part of the PCW
Executive Committee. Bernstein again asked how. Romney replied, “… Santorum
never et an earmark he didn’t like, now when his wrestler (Richardson) gets
instead of doing the responsible thing and toeing the line on spending he goes
out and buys another wrestler (A-Bomb).”
Bernstein then asked if the win was a significant setback for Romney. Mitt
said it wasn’t because he really didn’t try to win that hard.
“I could have tried to win a lot harder, perhaps, but I didn’t so it really
doesn’t hurt me too bad in the grand scheme of things.”
Bernstein: “If you weren’t really trying that much, why did
you have Richardson taken out before the match?”
Romney sputtered around the subject and then declared he’d ‘try harder’
tonight. He then laid out a challenge to A-Bomb to face Yamamoto Tanaka
tonight and claimed that PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) had
already signed off on the match.
Out of nowhere, Code Pink runs out. She
tries to fire a Glitter Bomb at Romney but out comes Arizona’s Rough
Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former city police officers
fired for their extreme brand of justice, with Sheriff Joe Arpaio. They collar Code Pink and drag her away
before she can reach Romney.
‘The Massachusett’s Redblood then walked away with his entourage in search of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia.
Then Mrs. Miyagi, former manager of the PCW Champion Daniel-San, walked out
with her new wrestler- HALITOSIS (I)!
Halitosis (I) with Mrs. Miyagi
‘The Luchador with the Insanely Bad Breath’ Halitosis
HT:
5’8, WT: 170, HOME: Cabo Wabo, Mexico
FIN: Breath of Death
MGR: Mrs.
Miyagi
Suave: It’s Halitosis versus…Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy? Who
the hell is Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?
Another excerpt from Jesusland vs.
Progressiveville:
“EXCUSE ME!” Lingerie Girl sprang to her feet and
wagged her finger at Rah. “I’ll have you know that…hey…”
She looked down. Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was affectionately licking her
feet.
“No! No, no, no!” Lingerie Girl said, pulling her feet back and then hopping
up and down. She bent down and rubbed the top of her foot with her hand to get
the slobber and drool off.
Suave: “Ew, lovely.”
MATCH #2
Halitosis (I)
vs.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy
(I)
[The bell rings...Halitosis kicks Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy in the groin.
Snap mare takeover. Headlock takedown. Halitosis...BREATHES IN NYE'S FACE!.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy drops to the mat. Halitosis hooks the leg. Referee
makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: Halitosis @ :41
Suave: “Okay. First Newt Tron Bomb comes back Tuesday night
with his lethal flatulence otherwise known as ‘Silent, But Deadly.’ Now,
Halitosis? The WWE wouldn’t do this type of crap-”
Suave: “Okay. I take that back.”
Suave then talks about the major controversy from last week’s Super
Bowl.
The God Squad…
Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0 WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi,
Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro
…then come out to complain about Madonna’s ‘inappropriate’ Super Bowl
halftime show.
Rev. Flambe: “Why can’t they bring in good, wholesome
entertainment?”
Rev. Hinnrich agreed. He suggested bringing back ‘Up With People.’
Suave: “Oh, dear. No. No, no, no…no.”
Backstage Vince Giordano, Vice President of the New Jersey Education
Association, spoke with Bernstein about his opposition to school vouchers.
Bernstein asked Giordano if it was fair for poor students to be stuck in failing
schools.
Giordano: “Well, life’s not always fair and I’m sorry about
that.”
Out of nowhere, the Jersey Boyz Vinnie and Frankie (R) tackle Giordano and
there’s a brawl when ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty of the
California Teacher’s Union comes to his aid. Chris Christie (R-NJ) came out and
delivered this diatribe:
Christie: “I cannot express how disgusted I am by that
statement. But I also have to tell you I’m not the least bit surprised because
I think it so succinctly captures what their position- their real position-
is.”
Suave: “For not being able to express his disgust, he’s
doing a pretty good job of expressing his disgust.”
Christie went on to call Giordano’s comments ‘puffed up rich man’s baloney’
and again the Jersey Boyz attacked- this time against the CTU. A referee came
out and we had ourselves an impromptu match…
MATCH #3
The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’
Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R)
w/Chris Christie (R-NJ)
[...Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker hits the ring and takes
out the referee. James the Jeep Worker a jawbreaker on Vinnie. Big Labor
splashes Frankie in the corner. Giordano cheers as Frankie gets suplexed by Big
Labor. Inverted atomic drop on Vinnie by Golatta. Now, guillotine choke on
Vinnie. Christie in the ring! Big splash to James the Jeep Worker. Christie
decks Giordano from the ring apron and follows him to the floor. Wait! That's
Scott Walker (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) coming to the ring! And they're
bringing the Roy Boys! T-Roy and K-Roy hit the ring to even the odds. K-Roy
pokes Golatta in the eyes...Evenflow DDT by T-Roy! K-Roy drags Vinnie over and
puts him on Golatta for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: The Jersey Boyz @ 9:30
Both tag teams barely have enough time to get out of the ring before both
A-Bomb and Tanaka come brawling down the ramp.
A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy
Cutter-Bomb
[A-Bomb punches Tanaka over and over. Tanaka finally tackles A-Bomb and roll
around the floor. Then Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) run down
and start beating on A-Bomb. Walstreit hits with the back of his elbow while
Big Oil delivers a kick to the head. Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on Big Oil’s
back. He lifts her up and Samoan Drops her to the floor. Tanaka and Big Oil
whip A-Bomb into the steel barricade. Then Tanaka lifts him
up…PILEDRIVER.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Big Oil then delivers an Oklahoma Driller and finally security gets down to
the ring. Both A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb are laid out on the floor as the
show ends.
We’ve all heard the axiom, “as goes Ohio, so goes the nation”. In fact, no Republican has ever won the Presidency without winning Ohio. And for this year’s GOP presidential primary, Ohio is the top prize in what is turning out to be a critical Super Tuesday on March 6th.
In fact, just yesterday analyst Sean Trende of Real Clear Politics identified Ohio as the key state between a Romney runaway and the possibility of a brokered convention.
So the viability of a three-way split probably comes down to Ohio, which has a fair number of evangelicals, though not to the degree that Tennessee, Oklahoma and Georgia do. Santorum has some strengths he can draw on in the Buckeye State, as his blue-collar message could play well even among Republicans there. If he wins, it means that we probably do have a deeply divided GOP, with Gingrich taking the anti-Romney vote in the South, and Santorum taking the anti-Romney vote in the Midwest.
So with Ohio holding such incredible importance to Mitt Romney’s hopes of becoming President, why is he betraying the very Ohio conservatives he needs to assure victory?
Let me explain.
As many of you may have read already, Ohio Republicans are currently in the midst of a major power struggle between moderate Ohio Republican Party Chairman Kevin DeWine and Governor John Kasich, Ohio House Speaker William Batchelder, and other conservative elected officials.
Conservatives are up in arms against DeWine for a number of offenses, such as actively working against Governor Kasich in the mainstream media, by working to divert fundraisers away from Kasich near the end of his close battle against incumbent Gov. Strickland in 2010, lying to contributors, outright shunning members of the Tea Party in Ohio, and most recently, blatantly abusing and violating the Party’s own bylaws in order to prevent Tea Party candidates from getting seated on the State Central Committee.
So how does this all connect to Romney?
Brett Buerck, widely known among Ohio political activists for his scandal plagued career, is now back as one of Mitt Romney’s point men in organizing Ohio. Buerck is also known as ORP Chairman DeWine’s closest consultant on Party politics. Finally, Romney’s sole appearance in Ohio during this entire campaign season was months ago when he appeared arm-in-arm with DeWine in southeast Ohio and proceeded to flip flop against Kasich’s government union reform bill, all at the recommendation of DeWine.
In other words, Romney is counting on Buerck and DeWine to lead him to victory in Ohio.
Make no mistake. Conservatives and Tea Party members are actively engaged in Ohio state politics. With such an intense focus on Ohio’s GOP primary, there is no doubt they’ll play a huge part in who ends up with Ohio’s massive number of delegates on Super Tuesday.
By working with Buerck and DeWine , Romney is making it crystal clear where he stands when it comes to wooing Ohio’s conservative base. In fact, by allowing Buerck and DeWine to lead his Ohio effort, Romney is effectively aligning himself against the very people he needs if he wants to win the nomination and the general election in November.
Ohio is well known among national political strategists as being the home of a bevy of quality political hacks. There are throngs of men and women with a strong history of leading congressional and statewide candidates to victory. In other words, Romney has no requirement to rely so heavily on state organizers with such sordid stories as DeWine and Buerck. He can easily look elsewhere and avoid the danger of giving the middle finger to Ohio conservatives and Tea Party members.
The second ever PCW ‘Roadshow Across America’ tour made a stop tonight in Minneapolis for tonight’s Minnesota Mayhem show.
‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena in high spirits along with his wrestler, Yamamoto Tanaka (R). Tanaka has torn through the Republican competition since he switched sides and looked to continue that trend tonight.
Who looked to stem the Romney tidal wave? Rick Santorum (R-PA) and his charge, The Right Rev. Randy Richardson- the former Triple R, that’s who.
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235, HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN: Chairshot or Caneshot
…and said that he knows that his reputation precedes him. Richardson admits that he’s always been his worst enemy and that too many times in the past he’s cost himself the PCW title. Tonight that changes. Richardson claims he’s more at peace with himself right now then he’s been at any point in his career.
The crowd buzzed when the Japanese Superdestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka (R) ran out and delivered a preemptive strike on Richardson.
…Tanaka hits a frog splash on Richardson. Tanaka goes to the top and hits a flying sitdown splash.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP! HE’S GOING TO KILL HIM!”
Tanaka back to his feet and calls to the back. Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit, PCW Champion Daniel-San with John Creese and the Cobra Cons run to ringside. Big Oil spikes Richardson’s head into the mat with an Oklahoma Driller. Walstreit sets Richardson up and hits him with the Stock Market Plunge. Rev. Flambe and Rev. Hinnrich try to help out but Walstreit bats them away. Then he piledrives Rev. Flambe. Daniel-San clotheslines Rev. Hinnrich. Daniel-San hits a gut-wrench suplex on Richardson. Creese sets Richardson up and Daniel-San decks the Rev. with a Crane Kick. Tanaka drags Richardson onto the top turnbuckle.
Suave: “NO! SOMEONE STOP HIM!”
Yeah, too late. One Japanese SuperDestroyer later Richardson is out cold! For good measure, Daniel-San hits the shooting star press on Richardson and then splits with Creese and company.
So, Richardson gets taken out by Tanaka. Santorum goes to the back and berates Romney who feigns any knowledge of the attack.
MATCH #1
‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) of Politically Correct w/ Soccer Mom (D)
vs.
T-Roy (R) w/former head of the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure Karen Handel
[Elbow Drop on Thomas-Taylor by T-Roy. Soccer Mom climbs to the ring apron. She distracts T-Roy and ... BOOM- New Age Sensitive Guy blasts T-Roy in an old school sensitive area. Then the new group Planned Parenthood (Democrats Jordan Metzger and Kendra W. Wallace) hit the ring and tackle Handel to the mat. Metzger punches T-Roy repeatedly while Wallace wrestles with Handel on the mat. Shoulder tackle by Thomas-Taylor on T-Roy and the New Age Sensitive Guy apologzies afterwards. Metzger with a Neck Breaker. Wallace spins turns Handel around and boots her in the ass. Thomas-Taylor goes for the pin...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: ‘New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor @ 8:20
Post match, the beatdown continued and Planned Parenthood taunted Handel who was sprawled out on the mat.
Suave noted that Handel may not have handled her issues with Planned Parenthood very well.
Big Oil Promo Big Oil (R) claims that the end of the world is here because… GAS PRICES WILL GO BACK OVER $4 A GALLON BY MEMORIAL DAY! Big Oil laughs and calls everyone who complains about the rising cost of gasoline nothing more than a Big Oil wannabe. Big Oil pulls out a wad of cash and starts counting the bills. He points to all sections of the arena and says the whole arena was filled with Big Oil wannabe’s. Then as he leaves, Big Oil points some more people out in the crowd and calls them wannabes!
Suave: “Well, that sucks.”
PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein in the back with Rick Santorum. Bernstein asks him with Rev. Richardson being taken out, who was he considering to take his place. Santorum, looking very concerned, responded that ‘he didn’t know.’ Then he turned and walked away.
Suave: “Well? That sucks for him.”
Suave then talks about PCW Champion Daniel-San’s recent appearance in Phoenix Wrestling as part of the CWC Ascension Tournament…
REPLAY: Daniel-San vs. Graham Clausen vs. James Stall
(courtesy of Phoenix Wrestling) [[Stall grabs onto Daniel-san and throws him out of the ring, before going back to Clauson, who is up to his feet. A boot to the gut backs Clauson into a corner, where Stall starts to unload with some punches to the face, followed by boots to the gut, stomping a mud-hole into Clauson's chest. Clauson gets whipped across the ring, and Stall charges right after, but runs into a pair of raised boots. Stall stumbles away as Clauson gets onto the second turnbuckle, then dives onto Stall to hit a beautiful DDT!]]
Clauson gets up, all fired up after the big move. But here comes Kris Keebler to a series of boos, who’s holding a chair. He gets up onto the apron, but Clauson hits a superkick, knocking him down! But here’s Daniel-san with a roll-up!
1 . . Daniel-san hooks the tights! . 2 . . 3!!!
Winner, via pinfall on Graham Clauson, Daniel-san.
Suave notes that, of course, Daniel-San snuck in and took the pin from James Stall after Stall had done all the work.
MATCH #2
Arizona Rough Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice (R) w/Sheriff Joe Arpaio
vs.
Occupy Wall Street: Nate and Shane (D) w/Adam
[Ruff knocks Shane into the referee. Then Justice in the ring and sends Shane to the turnbuckle while Ruff follows with a splash. Sheriff Arpaio opens up a chair and puts it in the ring...Nate thrown into the ropes...Drop Toe Hold onto the open chair! Adam protests but can't stop Ruff's frog splash on Nate. Justice has the taser...*ZZZZZZAP* Nate drops and the referee makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]
WINNER: Arizona Rough Justice @ 6:10
And then it was time for the Minnesota Mayhem match…
MAIN EVENT: Minnesota Mayhem Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
Rick Santorum came out next. Romney got on the mic and wanted to know where his wrestler was. Then…
*Avenida Revolucion by Chickenfoot plays*
Suave: “What the…are they back?”
A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy Cutter-Bomb
The crowd roared at the return of A. Tom Bomb to PCW.
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
[...A-Bomb and Magnum PO'd still maintain control over Tanaka, hammering on his ribs at every opportunity. A-Bomb grinds his knee into Tanaka's back at the ten minute mark. Daisy teases a run-in as the crowd goes wild. Double vertical Suplex on Tanaka. But when they try to get him out of the ring, Tanaka stops them. Finally...]
Suave: “Wait a minute…not him, too.”
That’s right, it’s NEWT TRON BOMB (R). Suave frantically tries to find his gas mask as N-Bomb slides into the ring and sticks his ass in Tanaka’s face. Then…
Suave: “SILENT BUT DEADLY! SILENT BUT DEADLY! OH MY…THAT STINKS!”
Tanaka out. Both A-Bomb and Magnum cover…1…2…3.
Suave: “TANAKA’S OUT!”
Mitt Romney slams his fists on the ring and watches A-Bomb rolls Tanaka out of the ring. Then A-Bomb turns to Magnum and rocks him with right hand. He lifts Magnum up-…ATOMIC POWERBOMB! A-Bomb covers…1…2…3.]
Santorum bounces into the ring and holds up A-Bomb’s arm.
WINNER: A. Tom Bomb @ 8:25
Suave: “Santorum gets the big win here tonight! That’s all for PCW Minnesota Mayhem. We’ll see you on Thursday night for PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN!”
PCW Reno Rage Results
Winnemucca Convention Center Winnemucca, NV
Saturday February 4th, 2012
Okay, the first question. Why is Reno Rage being held in Winnemucca, NV?
The Massachusetts Bluebloods: Jay F. Kennedy and Ray F. Kennedy (D) w/John F’n Kerry (D-MA) defeated the Religious Right: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe (R)
‘Tin Cup‘ Ray McAvay (Tea Party) got a rare victory over Brad Company (I)
PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas (I) destroyed Peta from PETA (D).
New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D) defeated Dave the Mechanic (I) in a match where he had to have apologized at least seventeen times.
Reno Rage Match
K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
Magnum PO’d (R) w/Robbyn Masters and Ron Paul (R-TX)
Yamamoto Tanaka (R) w/’The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA)
The crowd was about half the level into Jim Schmidt (R) when he wrestled for Ron Paul as they were for Magnum PO’d. (Plus, having Robbyn Masters there certainly didn’t hurt either).
Early on, Rev. Richardson did a small move and then inexplicatively jumped on the middle turnbuckle. He posed for the crowd as if he just scored a pin and then ran into the waiting clutches of Tanaka. Tanaka powerbombed Rev. Richardson and then replicated his celebration. Ron Paul went around and high-fived every fan in the front row around the ring. Magnum PO’d hit the Porsche Plunge on Richardson. Magnum went for the pin but Gingrich pulled the referee out of the ring. Paul ran to the back to get another referee.
Meanwhile, Richardson used a chair on Tanaka which only served to royally piss off the Japanese SuperDestroyer. Richardson then got in his face, there was shoving, and then a choke slam on Richardson. Tanaka sent the Right Reverend over the top rope and facilitated elimination number one of the match.
Tanaka shook off Magnum’s attempt to Porsche Plunge him and powerbombed him through a table outside the ring for the second elimination of the match.
K-Roy jumped on Tanaka’s back and tried to choke him out. Tanaka backed hard into the corner turnbuckle and squashed K-Roy. Then to the top rope, Japanese SuperDestroyer, and time to catch the next flight to Minneapolis for Tuesday’s PCW Minnesota Mayhem.
WINNER: Yamamoto Tanaka @ 10:31
Romney shakes Tanaka’s hand and then takes off to head to the airport.
PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report Comanche County Fairgrounds Lawton, Oklahoma
Thursday February 2nd, 2012
Announcer: Johnny Suave
Hello and welcome to another PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN report. Tonight’s show from Lawton, Oklahoma started with a 10 bell salute to the late, great boxing trainer, Angelo Dundee.
Dundee was the famed trainer of such boxing greats as Muhammad Ali and Sugar Ray Leonard among others. He was truly one of the greats.
That’s right. The Donald himself. Showing up at the back door of the Coliseum, Trump was hustled into the building by security.
‘The Voice of PCW’ Johnny Suave wondered why the Donald was here tonight. Then Newt Gingrich (R-GA) appeared in the back and went skipping through the hallway. Suave put one and one together and surmised that the Donald was here tonight to deliver some much needed help to the Gingrich campaign by giving him his endorsement.
MATCH #1
Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor w/FBI Agent Charlize Starling and Roseanne Barr (Green Party)
vs.
‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)
This match got off to a bizarre start when Barr joined Dr. Lecktor in the ring and announced she was running for PCW CEO with the Green Party.
And of course, the referee delivered the prefunctionary warning to Dr. Lecktor that any attempt to remove her mask would result in an immediate disqualification. As always, FBI Agent Starling stood nearby with her cattle prod just in case.
End of match…
[...Dallas hits a springboard bulldog and slams Dr. Lecktor's head onto the mat. Dr. Lecktor adjusts her mask and then kicks Dallas in the groin. Mule kicks by Dr. Lecktor sends Dallas reeling into the ropes. Lecktor throws the Texas Cowgirl to the mat and locks in the Hell's Gate. Referee checks for a tap out...Dr. Lecktor cinches it tighter...Dallas has no choice but to tap. ]
WINNER: Dr. Annabel ‘The Cannibal’ Lecktor (Green Party) @ 6:11
So, Dr. Lecktor gets her first win in PCW in some time. Post match, she beats on Dallas some more, while Roseanne celebrates outside the ring by screeching annoyingly at the top of her lungs, and then the doctor begins to take her mask off. FBI Agent Starling wastes no time in cattle prodding Dr. Lecktor into submission. One hoped that Agent Starling would do the same to Roseanne- but no luck.
Next, ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA) entered the arena coming off a very successful night at PCW Tussle in Tallahassee.
MAIN EVENT- FLORIDA FOUR WAY DANCE
K-Roy (R)- Newt Gingrich (R-GA)
The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R)- Rick Santorum (R-PA)
Jim Schmidt (R)- Ron Paul (R-TX)
The ring announcer paused and everyone looked at the ramp. First out, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R), John Creese and his Cobra Cons. The crowd booed the PCW Champion unmercifully as the group headed down the ramp. Next out, the leader of the Republicans Rance Priebus. Priebus took the microphone and announced for ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney…
Yamamoto Tanaka HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer
Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”
Tanaka came to the ring and eliminated Schmidt and Richardson in short order. K-Roy put up a fight but Tanaka hit the Japanese SuperDestroyer and won at the 6:20 mark.
Romney, with the Republican establishment firmly behind him, said that he was on such a roll right now that he’s worried about winning the nomination to become the Republican challenger to Barack Obama in November about as much as he’s worried about poor people.
Romney tried to walk back the whole ‘not worried about the poor thing’ but in the end his staff whisked him off into a meeting.
In the back, PCW’s intrepid Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviewed Democrats Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi about the defection of the Japanese SuperDestroyer Yamamoto Tanaka to the Republicans.
Pelosi was predictably outraged that Tanaka would take this…
Um…wrong currency guys.
All right…seriously?
That’s better.
Pelosi was offended that Tanaka took a briefcase full of cash from the Republicans and made the switch. When Bernstein reminded her that it was the Democrats and their Super PAC’s who used a briefcase full of cash to entice Tanaka to their side earlier, Pelosi responded with this:
“Well, at least we did it for the right reason.”
As for the Republicans, they too had to deal with a significant defection from Tuesday night’s show- the loss of longtime stalwart ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…
…Scott went on and lashed out at the Republican Establishment. He called Palin a victim of the abject slime pit, win at all cost mentality that our politics have become. Scott added that anyone who once had a 70-80% positive rating in her state and knocked off an incumbent Republican governor with ethics problem isn’t dumb.
Kevin Scott: “It’s bad enough that the Democrats/Left Wing Elitists are now using their Hollywood allies to further trash Sarah Palin in their movies…(see Game Change.) What’s clear is that the Republican Establishment didn’t want her either and she’s getting it from both sides now.”
Scott then stunned the crowd by quitting the Republicans.
Mitch McConnell (R-KY) told Fox News hot newsbabe Megyn Kelly
McConnell: “It’s not like Kevin Scott hasn’t pulled this #@$# before. He once quit and joined the Democrats for a short time before crawling on his hands and knees back to the Republicans. Kevin Scott needs to realize that this isn’t about him. It’s all about putting Republicans in position of power and winning titles and if he’s not up to the task then I’m glad he’s gone. We’re getting the better of a Scott for Tanaka trade off.”
PCW RANKINGS
PCW WORLD CHAMPION: Daniel-San (R) PCW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Big Labor/James the Jeep Worker (D) PCW WOMEN’S CHAMPION: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)
PCW TELEVISION CHAMPION: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D)
#3- Yamamoto Tanaka (R)
#4- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (I)
#5- Charlie Blackwell (I)
TAG TEAM CONTENDERS:
#1- Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R)
#2- California Teachers Union: ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta/Malibu Dusty (D)
#3- Jack and Joe Schmidt (R-Libertarian)
#4- Charlie Blackwell/Mike the Mechanic (I)
#5- Paul Ryan’s Raiders: Nick Ray and Kevin Collins (R)
WOMEN’S CONTENDERS: #1- Valora Salinas (I)
#2- Sarah Mae Smith (R)
#3- Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)
#4- Union Maid (D)
#5- ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas (R)
Big shake up in the single’s rankings as Chism and Tanaka rejoin the top 5. K-Roy drops out and O’Beck Bahama retired from competition.
Chism and Tanaka didn’t like each other when they were both Democrats. Now that Tanaka’s aligned with the Republicans, that hatred should ratchet up a few more notches.
MATCH #2
‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger (D) vs.
Blue Dog D (D) w/Heath Shuler (D-NC)
Metzger is an up and comer who hasn’t quite hit his stride yet. Blue Dog D has been on the downslide for over six months now.
[...Metzger kicks Blue Dog D in the groin and follows with a dragon suplex. Metzger then hits the handspring moonsault. Metzger locks in the Red Tape submission on Blue Dog D and makes him tap out. ]
WINNER: ‘The Bureaucrat’ Jordan Metzger @ 3:39
As Metzger celebrates his win, Heath Shuler takes the microphone. He announces that both he and Blue Dog D are leaving PCW.
Finally, the moment we’ve waited for.
Donald Trump’s procession makes its way to the ring. Trump, leaving a trail of cash behind him, and his entourage climb into the ring, followed a few feet back by Newt Gingrich and K-Roy (R). Gingrich has a huge grin on his face and Suave comments that he knows Gingrich thinks he’s back in contention now with Trump in his corner.
Trump: “Ladies and gentlemen. After great thought and consideration, I have decided that I, Donald J. Trump, will endorse…
By this point, Gingrich is hopping up and down like a jack in a box in the ring.
Trump: “Mitt Romney.”
Suave: “WHAT?”
Romney strolls out to the ring and shakes Trump’s hand while a stunned Gingrich watches.
Trump: “Mitt is tough, he’s smart, he’s sharp and he’s not going to allow bad things to continue to happen to this country we all love. Go out and get ‘em. You can do it.”
On today’s edition of Coffee and Markets, Brad Jackson is joined by Matt Lewis to discuss the Florida primary, what the win means for Romney, and what he’ll have to do to secure the conservative base and the Tea Party contingent if he wants to be the nominee and defeat Obama in the fall.
We’re brought to you as always by BigGovernment and Stephen Clouse and Associates. If you’d like to email us, you can do so at coffee[at]newledger.com. We hope you enjoy the show.
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