PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Imperial Bowl
Pittsfield, MA
Thursday February 9th, 2012
Announcer:
Johnny Suave

Suave welcomed everyone to another edition of PCW Politics is War.  He
reviewed what went down Tuesday night at PCW Minnesota Mayhem:

-the preemptive attack on the Right Rev. Randy Richardson
(R), representing Rick Santorum (R-PA) and the God Squad by ‘The
Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt
Romney’s (R-MA) wrestler Yamamoto Tanaka (R) and the Republican Establishment.

-the surprise return of A. Tom Bomb (R).   Accompanied by
long time valet, Daisy Cutter-Bomb,
A-Bomb laid waste to Tanaka, K-Roy (R)- representing Newt Gingrich, and Magnum PO’d (R)- for Ron Paul (R-TX) to sweep through the Minnesota Mayhem match
on behalf of Santorum.

Suave announced that Jesusland
vs. Progressiveville, the novel featuring two wrestlers from Political
Championship Wrestling (‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin and Rah!),
was released on Kindle earlier today.

MATCH #1
‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin (I)
w/Rah
vs.
‘American Girl‘ Sarah Mae
Smith (R) w/Harley Davisson

Smith challenged the whole concept of the book and blamed
the country’s problems on liberal Democrats.  She called herself a ‘true
American’ and went after Martin before the bell rang.

[...Martin and Smith brawl on the floor.   Smith gets a swinging bulldog on
Martin and drives the Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl's face into the floor.  From
behind, Davisson grabs Martin  tiger driver!  Rah protests to the referee.
Smith goes corkscrew legdrop but Tessa instinctively moves at the last second.
Rah helps Martin back into the ring and Smith follows suit.

Martin with an arm wrench, then a forearm smash.   Legsweep faceslam brings
the American Girl down.  Smith back up...PIZZA CUTTER!  Smith pinned. The ref
starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @
6:45

BACKSTAGE
Mitt Romney held a ‘press availability’ (isn’t
that a press conference?) get together in the back and had this to say…

Romney: “I’d like to congratulate Rick Santorum on his win
Tuesday night.  But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t mean a hill of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia because I will
be the Republican taking on Barack Obama in the fall.”

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein then asked Mitt how it couldn’t
mean something after he went to great trouble to take out Rev. Richardson
earlier in the night.  Romney disputed that ‘he’d’ gone after anyone.  He blamed
the attack on Rev. Richardson on Santorum’s record when he was part of the PCW
Executive Committee.  Bernstein again asked how.  Romney replied, “… Santorum
never et an earmark he didn’t like, now when his wrestler (Richardson) gets
instead of doing the responsible thing and toeing the line on spending he goes
out and buys another wrestler (A-Bomb).”

Bernstein then asked if the win was a significant setback for Romney.  Mitt
said it wasn’t because he really didn’t try to win that hard.

“I could have tried to win a lot harder, perhaps, but I didn’t so it really
doesn’t hurt me too bad in the grand scheme of things.”

Bernstein: “If you weren’t really trying that much, why did
you have Richardson taken out before the match?”

Romney sputtered around the subject and then declared he’d ‘try harder’
tonight.   He then laid out a challenge to A-Bomb to face Yamamoto Tanaka
tonight and claimed that PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH) had
already signed off on the match.

Out of nowhere, Code Pink runs out.  She
tries to fire a Glitter Bomb at Romney but out comes Arizona’s Rough
Justice: D.B. Ruff and Connor Justice- two former city police officers
fired for their extreme brand of justice, with Sheriff Joe Arpaio.  They collar Code Pink and drag her away
before she can reach Romney.

‘The Massachusett’s Redblood then walked away with his entourage in search of
gourmet beans imported from the finest coffee fields in Colombia.

Then Mrs. Miyagi, former manager of the PCW Champion Daniel-San, walked out
with her new wrestler- HALITOSIS (I)!

Halitosis (I) with Mrs. Miyagi

‘The Luchador with the Insanely Bad Breath’ Halitosis
HT:
5’8, WT: 170, HOME: Cabo Wabo, Mexico
FIN: Breath of Death
MGR: Mrs.
Miyagi

Suave: It’s Halitosis versus…Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?  Who
the hell is Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy?

Another excerpt from Jesusland vs.
Progressiveville:
“EXCUSE ME!” Lingerie Girl sprang to her feet and
wagged her finger at Rah. “I’ll have you know that…hey…”

She looked down.  Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy was affectionately licking her
feet.

“No! No, no, no!” Lingerie Girl said, pulling her feet back and then hopping
up and down. She bent down and rubbed the top of her foot with her hand to get
the slobber and drool off.

Suave: “Ew, lovely.”

MATCH #2
Halitosis (I)
vs.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy
(I)

[The bell rings...Halitosis kicks Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy in the groin.
Snap mare takeover. Headlock takedown.  Halitosis...BREATHES IN NYE'S FACE!.
Bob Nye- Foot Fetish Guy drops to the mat.  Halitosis hooks the leg. Referee
makes the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: Halitosis @ :41

Suave: “Okay.  First Newt Tron Bomb comes back Tuesday night
with his lethal flatulence otherwise known as ‘Silent, But Deadly.’  Now,
Halitosis?  The WWE wouldn’t do this type of crap-”

Suave: “Okay.  I take that back.”

Suave then talks about the major controversy from last week’s Super
Bowl.

The God Squad…

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190, HOME: Biloxi,
Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (Power of Christ)
MGR: Sister Mary Marlboro

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189, HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

…then come out to complain about Madonna’s ‘inappropriate’ Super Bowl
halftime show.

Rev. Flambe: “Why can’t they bring in good, wholesome
entertainment?”

Rev. Hinnrich agreed.  He suggested bringing back  ‘Up With People.’

Suave: “Oh, dear.  No.  No, no, no…no.”

Backstage
Vince Giordano, Vice President of the New Jersey Education
Association, spoke with Bernstein about his opposition to school vouchers.
Bernstein asked Giordano if it was fair for poor students to be stuck in failing
schools.

Giordano: “Well,  life’s not always fair and I’m sorry about
that.”

Out of nowhere, the Jersey Boyz Vinnie and Frankie (R) tackle Giordano and
there’s a brawl when ‘The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty of the
California Teacher’s Union comes to his aid.  Chris Christie (R-NJ) came out and
delivered this diatribe:

Christie: “I cannot express how disgusted I am by that
statement.  But I also have to tell you I’m not the least bit surprised because
I think it so succinctly captures what their position- their real position-
is.”

Suave: “For not being able to express his disgust, he’s
doing a pretty good job of expressing his disgust.”

Christie went on to call Giordano’s comments ‘puffed up rich man’s baloney’
and again the Jersey Boyz attacked- this time against the CTU.  A referee came
out and we had ourselves an impromptu match…

MATCH #3
The California Teacher’s Union: Andy ‘The Foul Pole’
Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D)
vs.
The Jersey Boyz: Vinnie and Frankie (R)
w/Chris Christie (R-NJ)

[...Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker  hits the ring and takes
out the referee.  James the Jeep Worker a jawbreaker on Vinnie.  Big Labor
splashes Frankie in the corner. Giordano cheers as Frankie gets suplexed by Big
Labor.   Inverted atomic drop on Vinnie by Golatta.  Now, guillotine choke on
Vinnie.   Christie in the ring!  Big splash to James the Jeep Worker.  Christie
decks Giordano from the ring apron and follows him to the floor.  Wait!  That's
Scott Walker (R-WI) and Mitch Daniels (R-IN) coming to the ring!  And they're
bringing the Roy Boys!  T-Roy and K-Roy hit the ring to even the odds.  K-Roy
pokes Golatta in the eyes...Evenflow DDT by T-Roy! K-Roy drags Vinnie over and
puts him on Golatta for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 ...3 ]

WINNER: The Jersey Boyz @ 9:30

Both tag teams barely have enough time to get out of the ring before both
A-Bomb and Tanaka come brawling down the ramp.

A. Tom Bomb (R) w/Daisy
Cutter-Bomb

[A-Bomb punches Tanaka over and over.  Tanaka finally tackles A-Bomb and roll
around the floor.  Then Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) run down
and start beating on A-Bomb.  Walstreit hits with the back of his elbow while
Big Oil delivers a kick to the head.   Daisy Cutter-Bomb jumps on Big Oil’s
back.  He lifts her up and Samoan Drops her to the floor.  Tanaka and Big Oil
whip A-Bomb into the steel barricade.  Then Tanaka lifts him
up…PILEDRIVER.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Big Oil then delivers an Oklahoma Driller and finally security gets down to
the ring.  Both A-Bomb and Daisy Cutter-Bomb are laid out on the floor as the
show ends.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Viking Hall
Bristol, TN
Thursday January 26th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave begins but is interrupted by a commotion in the back.

Suave: “Hold on a second.  I’ve been told to send it to PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Woodward?”

Bernstein is in the back.  In the background, Arizona Governor Jan Brewer (R) is in the middle of an intense conversation with PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL).

Bernstein: “This has been brewing for quite a while.  Brewer and Obama don’t see eye to eye about much of anything.   Ah, here comes Brewer.”

Brewer says that Obama’s upset about what she said about him in her book- Scorpions for Breakfast.   “It is what it is. I proceeded to say that to him, and he chose to walk away from me.”    Brewer adds that in life, we all have our bad days.  Sometimes we say and do things we could all take back.  Tonight, is not one of those days.  She will not be intimidated.

Obama is now in the ring and says he can’t hear a word Brewer is saying, perhaps she should come into the ring.  Brewer retorts that he doesn’t work for Obama.  Obama responds that he is the PCW CEO and she will listen to what he has to say.   Obama says she’s being disrespectful to the office of PCW CEO.

The crowd then roars when Charlie Blackwell of the American Heartland Coalition comes out.

Blackwell: “And you, Mr. PCW CEO, are being disrespectful to the people of Arizona…and other states by siccing your minions on them.”

Obama tells Blackwell he just made a huge mistake and that he can either apologize to him or face Democrat Yamamoto Tanaka- The Japanese SuperDestroyer in a Falls Count Anywhere match right now.  Blackwell: “Bring it on!”

MATCH #1
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ‘The Japanese SuperDestroyer’ Yamamoto Tanaka (D) w/Reika

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition) 
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215 HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)
MGR: Kenzie Blackwell

Yamamoto Tanaka (D)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350, HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer
MGR: Mrs. Miyagi

[...Tanaka lifts Blackwell and delivers a back breaker.  Blackwell goes to the floor.]

Suave: “Hold on a second!  What’s John McCain doing down there?”

[McCain (R-AZ), accompanied by Jan Brewer,  sneaks up behind Tanaka with a blackjack.  *WHAP* Tanaka falls head first on the floor.  Reika is pissed off and runs over to check on her wrestler.  Brewer pulls her away just as Blackwell hits a frog splash on Tanaka and then a corkscrew legdrop.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!   McCain interferes in the match?  Why?”

McCain comes over to the broadcast table and grabs a microphone and justifies his interference because PCW CEO Obama can be ‘abrasive.’  When asked for further clarification…

McCain: “Bobby Jindal, the governor of Louisiana, had a similar exchange with the president.  It’s very well-known that he has a prickly personality and I think it’s been displayed in both of those cases. And I also think that Jan Brewer is very concerned about the security on our border.”

[Blackwell takes Tanaka into the ring. Blackwell runs in and leg drops Tanaka.  Blackwell follows with a handspring moonsault.  Blackwell then hits a screwdriver on Tanaka and slaps on the Katahajime.  Tanaka has no choice but to tap out. ]

WINNER: Charlie Blackwell @ 8:41

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Brewer’s Book Soars Up Bestseller List

After Obama face-off, Brewer’s book takes off

McCain backs Brewer in tarmac tiff, calls Obama ‘prickly’

Tanaka is furious and storms into PCW Executive Committee Chief Harry Reid‘s (D-NV) office.  Reid is meeting with Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) and seems surprised to see the huge Japanese wrestler standing before him.  Reika walks in and demands to know where the back up was and how in the hell John ‘freakin’ McCain was able to get a cheap shot on him?

Reid tries to calm the big guy down but Reika isn’t having any of it.  Tanaka was promised a lot of things to come back to the Democrats and he’s been screwed out of a title shot.  Reid responds that Tanaka had a shot for the title and blew it when he couldn’t get past O’Beck Bahama (D) and ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).   Reid then tells him that he’s got bigger things to worry about- like the new alliance between the PCW Champion Daniel-San (R) and John Creese and his Cobra Cons.

Reid: “If you want to be useful, help Chism win the PCW title!”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Video Shows Senator Calm as He’s Detained

Rand Paul: “Just think what I would have done if I really really, really irate?”

Suave: “Make more phone calls?”

MATCH #2- Hostages on a Pole Match
Navy Seals 1 and 2 vs. Pirate Captain Jack Suarez and Pirate First Mate Jay

[The two Pirates are in the ring but the Navy Seals are no where to be found.  The bell rings and Navy Seal #1 slides in from underneath the ring.  Bulldog.  Sit down facebuster.  Pirate Jay tries to help but he's cut down by Navy Seal #2.  Navy Seal #1 rolls up Captain Jack...1...2...3.]

WINNER: The Navy Seals @ 1:15

The Seals cut down the hostages and leave the ring.

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC: Governor Jan Brewer of Arizona v. President Obama- Dust Up in Arizona

1. Perhaps if the President of the United States would stop using the Justice Department as a hammer against the states, there might not be this outwardly antagonistic atmosphere that permeates Brewer and Obama’s working relationship.

2. Unfortunately, said relationship causes the real issue to be clouded and when there is a definitive security problem on the Mexican border it’s a crime that goes back to the Bush Administration that the federal government has not taken constructive action to secure the border.

3.  Perhaps if the President were more concerned about that instead of how he’s perceived in someone’s book, the people of Arizona, and Texas, New Mexico, and California, might feel a little bit better about the issue of unfettered illegal immigrants streaming into the country.

—-

Suave: “Boy, that was a mouthful.  Where’s my theasaurus?”

Jennifer Rubin of the Washington Post walks out and announces that Newt Gingrich can’t win.  Rubin contends that only a candidate who is ‘electable’ should emerge from the nominating process and that candidate is NOT Newt.

K-Roy (R) walks out with Gingrich.   K-Roy says he’s beaten their man, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott not once but twice now.  K-Roy says it’s the Republican Establishment who are afraid of Newt- not the American people.

Rubin tells K-Roy he’s a wrestler and not a politician and to ‘run along.’   K-Roy tells Rubin to tell Scott to get his ass in the ring and he’ll beat it all over the ring…again.

K-Roy gets in the ring but Scott does not come out.  Bob Dole does.

Suave: “Oh, great.  K-Roy’s going to kill Bob Dole in the ring.”

Thankfully, Dole does not get into the ring but reads from a statement:

I have not been critical of Newt Gingrich but it is now time to take a stand before it is too late. If Gingrich is the nominee it will have an adverse impact on Republican candidates running for county, state, and federal offices. Hardly anyone who served with Newt in Congress has endorsed him and that fact speaks for itself. He was a one-man-band who rarely took advice. It was his way or the highway.

Gingrich served as Speaker from 1995 to 1999 and had trouble within his own party. By 1997 a number of House Republican members wanted to throw him out as Speaker. But he hung on until after the 1998 elections when Newt could read the writing on the wall. His mounting ethics problems caused him to resign in early 1999. I know whereof I speak as I helped establish a line of credit of $150,000 to help Newt pay off the fine for his ethics violations. In the end, he paid the fine with money from other sources.

Gingrich had a new idea every minute and most of them were off the wall. He loved picking a fight with Bill Clinton because he knew this would get the attention of the press. This and a myriad of other specifics like shutting down the government helped to topple Gingrich in 1998.

In my run for the presidency in 1996 the Democrats greeted me with a number of negative TV ads and in every one of them Newt was in the ad. He was very unpopular and I am not only certain that this did not help me, but that it also cost House seats that year. Newt would show up at the campaign headquarters with an empty bucket in his hand — that was a symbol of some sort for him — and I never did know what he was doing or why he was doing it, and I’m not certain he knew either.

The Democrats are spending millions of dollars running negative ads against Romney as they are hoping that Gingrich will be the nominee which could result in a landslide victory for Obama and a crushing defeat for Republicans from the courthouse to the White House. Democrats are not running ads against Gingrich which is further proof they want to derail Governor Romney.

In my opinion if we want to avoid a sweeping victory by Obama in November, Republicans should nominate Governor Romney as our standard bearer. He could win because he has the requisite experience in the public and private sectors. He would be a PCW CEO in whom we could have confidence and he would make us proud.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

BLITZER’S BLOG: My thoughts before tonight’s debate

Ann Coulter To Glenn Beck: Newt Gingrich Is ‘Pompous And Boring’

Suave: “Whoa!  Bob Dole lays it down against Newt Gingrich!”

Steve Hunter’s Three Sentence Political Commentary- because three sentences is all you need to get your point across.

TOPIC:    Democratic Rep. Jan Schakowsky (Ill.) re: Keystone XL- “Twenty thousand jobs is really not that many jobs, and investing in green technologies will produce that and more…”

1.  Sure, tell that to one of the 20,000 gainfully seeking employment.

2. The Green technologies who produce jobs- you mean the ones that keep going bankrupt- those jobs?

3.  Really?

K-Roy is still in the ring.  Finally, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott runs out and it’s on again.

[Scott and K-Roy throw haymakers left and right at each other.  Rick Santorum (R-PA) and Ron Paul (R-TX) run down but once again they are reduced to being spectators.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  HERE COMES CORPORATE MIGHT!”

Big Oil (R)
HT: 6′ 11″ WT: 323, HOME: Houston, TX
FIN: Oklahoma Driller (modified piledriver)
MGR: Texas Tex and Gordon Guyko

‘The Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit” Kirk Walstreit (R)
HT: 6-2  WT: 220, HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Stock Market Plunge
MGR: Gordon Guyko

[Big Oil and Walstreit hit the ring and toss Scott aside to attack K-Roy.  Big Oil lays the chops across K-Roy's chest.  Walstreit delivers a couple of stiff right hands.  Gingrich is up on the apron screaming at the referee to stop this.  'The Queen of Political Extreme' Ann Coulter runs down and pulls Gingrich off the apron.  Gingrich and Coulter exchange words.  Big Oil lifts K-Roy up...OKLAHOMA DRILLER!]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  BIG OIL JUST SPIKED K-ROY!”

Down runs T-Roy (R) and the Raving Rednecks Locke and Loade (R).  They wade into the fray and it turns into a pier six brawl.

At the top of the ramp, PCW CEO Obama, Big Union: Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker, The California Teacher’s Union, PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism all watch.  Big Labor asks Obama if they should go down there and kick some ass.  Obama says that’s not necessary- they’re doing just fine.

PCW South Carolina Slaughter Report
Colonial Life Arena
Columbia, South Carolina
Saturday January 21st, 2012

K-Roy (R), seconded by Newt Gingrich (R-GA) pinned ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) at 16:22 to win at South Carolina Slaughter tonight in Columbia, South Carolina.

Gingrich wins South Carolina GOP primary, CNN projects; Romney second

Gingrich Rolls to Victory in South Carolina

After Chuck Norris hit the ring and connected with a spinning heel kick on Scott, K-Roy hit a K-Bomb on the ‘American Citizen’ to set up the final pin.   Also making a difference in the match, ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R-AK) who made the save on a pin attempt by Scott.  ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’  Mitt Romney (R-MA) got into a heated argument with Palin afterwards and K-Roy seized on the momentum change to swing the match in his direction.

Post match, Romney vowed that he was in the Republican contest to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) in the fall for the long run.  He also gave Scott a vote of confidence after a tough week that’s witnessed the ascension of K-Roy as a major player in the PCW singles division.

Paul to skip Florida, look for delegates in Nevada, Minnesota

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush to remain neutral in GOP primary

The main event featured PCW Champion, Independent Daniel-San, accompanied to the ring by Mrs. Miyagi, versus PCW Women’s Champion and PCW’s Queen of Extreme Valora Salinas for the PCW Title.

The match started off with an impressive series of technical wrestling of all things and Daniel-San controlled the early going.  But soon enough, Valora showed just why she is considered PCW’s Queen of Extreme by incorporating a steel folding chair and other sundry weaponry into the match.

After a two minute sequence that saw near-falls by both wrestlers and had the crowd on their feet, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy, made their way to the ring.  Creese and his group entered the ring and it appeared they were going to attack Daniel-San again.  However, Creese sic’d his Cobra Cons on Valora.

Salinas, an independent with no real allies to come to her rescue, was obliterated by the four on one attack and then decked by a Crane Kick by Daniel-San that nearly took her head off.  Unconscious on unable to defend herself, Daniel-San slapped on the Labell Lock and the referee called the match.  However, Daniel-San refused to release the hold, even after Mrs. Miyagi pleaded with him to do so.  Creese’s Cobra Cons then annihilated Mrs. Miyagi and left her in a crumpled heap in the ring.

Finally, Daniel-San left the ring with Creese and company to a chorus of boos and debris being hurled in his direction.  To everyone’s great surprise, Leader of the PCW Executive Committee Harry Reid (D-NV) and Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) walked out with Democrat wrestler Kathryn Randall Collins.

Reid and Pelosi told the referee to ring the bell for a PCW Women’s title match.  KRC rolled the unconscious Valora over and made the cover.  Reid and Pelosi demanded that the referee make the 3 count.   He does reluctantly and KRC is given the PCW Women’s Title belt as a result.

Tune in to PCW Extreme Political TV Monday night to see what ramifications there are from what went down tonight.

Romney Can End This in Florida

Newt Gingrich’s South Carolina Upset

Gingrich Wins in South Carolina

To recap:

K-Roy (R) w/Newt Gingrich (R-GA) defeated ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) backed by ‘The Massachusetts Redblood’ Mitt Romney (R-MA), The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) w/Rick Santorum (R-PA), and Jim Schmidt (R) w/Ron Paul (R-TX).

PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) retained over PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) with the Labell Lock.  Daniel-San declared his allegiance with the Republicans after the match.

Kathryn Randall Collins (D) pinned PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) to win the Women’s title.

Mitt heightens Newt attack in speech

Palin dubs Newt GOP ‘front-runner’

Newt Gingrich Pulls Off South Carolina Upset, Increasing Chances of Long Nomination Fight

PCW Politics is War on
P-SPAN Report
Bender Arena
Washington D.C.
Thursday January 19th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

Crowd: “PCW! PCW! PCW!”

Johnny Suave welcomes everyone to PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN.  The PCW Champion Daniel-San (I) is on his way to the ring with Mrs. Miyagi and Suave reminds everyone what happened Monday night.

Replay-PCW Extreme Political TV
PCW Champion
Daniel-San (I) talks with Woodward Bernstein.  He explains that the reason he is giving Valora a title match is because he’s obligated to defend the title and she deserves as much as anyone else.    Mrs. Miyagi adds that he’s not going to take her lightly before getting cut off by the champion.  Daniel-San then adds that Valora has won titles before and it’s time to see just how she’ll handle a big time match.

Daniel-San gets on the mic and publicly apologizes to Mrs. Miyagi for the way he acted.  He blames the extreme pressure of being the PCW Champion for him snapping like that.  Daniel-San tells the fans he’s lived out his dreams being the champion and he just had a bad night.

Mrs. Miyagi accepts his apology and both head to the back.  Daniel-San holds up his PCW title belt before disappearing into the back.

Suave: “Tonight on PCW Politics is War, Daniel-San and PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas will sign off on Saturday’s match at South Carolina Slaughter.   Stay tuned for that.”

To the ring…

Ring Announcer Kimber Marshall announces the guest referee for our first match of the night- Carnival Cruise ship Captain Francesco Schettino!

The crowd dumps all over the captain as he and his blond bombshell Dominica Cermotan come to the ring.

MATCH #1
PBR (I) w/Chief vs. James the Jeep Worker (D)

PBR- HT: 6’0”  WT: 220, HOME: Huntington, W.Va
FIN: Blue
Ribbon Blaster
MGR: Chief

James the Jeep Worker- HT: 5’10″, WT: 221, HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Picket Line

There’s spectulation that PBR may be signing on with the American Heartland Coalition according to Suave.

The match is a wild mishmash with little in ring activity.  Then Big
Union (D) hits the ring and all hell breaks loose.

[...’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big
Labor hits PBR with the Scabbuster!  Union Maid in the ring.  Here comes the California Teacher's Union: 'Foul Pole' Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty!  Golatta...FOUL POLE ON CHIEF!  Chief doubles over from the deliberate low blow by the Foul Pole.  Big Labor and Golatta hold PBR up so James the Jeep Worker can hit the Picket Line on him...]

Captain Schettino tries to restore order…unsuccessfully.

[...The American Heartland Coalition races to the ring: Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables, Mike the Mechanic with
Tequila Sheila...

*Bobby Bare's "Pour Me Another Tequila Sheila" plays over the loudspeakers*

...along with the Walker Brothers: Ronnie and John.  Blackwell with the steel chair *WHAP* down goes James the Jeep Worker.  *WHAP*
Down goes Malibu Dusty!  *ZZZZZAP*  Mike the Mechanic shocks Big Labor with his Jumper Cables.   Democrats and Republicans converge on the ring and it's a near riot.]

Captain Schettino throws his arms up.  He hops out of the ring, grabs the
blonde bombshell, and heads to the back.   However, he’s met on the ramp by PCW Competition Committee Chief John Boehner (R-OH).
Boehner demands that Schettino returns to the ring and help restore order.  Schettino refuses and takes off up the ramp to the back.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
Costa Concordia Tragedy: Capt. Francesco Schettino Sparks Outrage
Francesco Schettino vs. Lord Jim: The one literary reference you
Domnica Cemortan Photos Defend Francesco Schettino on Facebook
Moronic Statement o’ the Year (Francesco Schettino Edition
…

Ask any mermaid
you happen to see
what’s the best tuna?
Chicken of the
Sea

PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein interviews
the ‘Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R).  Palin tells Bernstein that if she had a preference, that Newt Gingrich led wrestler K-Roy (R) would come out on top on Saturday at South Carolina Slaughter to ‘keep the process going.’   Palin stated she wants ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott, Mitt Romney’s wrestler, to continue to have an array of conservative competition.

Palin: “This process should keep going because iron sharpens iron and steel sharpens steel.”

CSM- Did Sarah Palin Endorse Newt Gingrich or Not?
Gingrich on Palin: I would ask her to consider taking a major role in …
Newt Gingrich: Palin’s Comments Are a Signal to Conservatives to …
Daily Kos: Newt Gingrich Promises Palin a Presidential Appointment
…

The Angry Left Wing Bloggers: Daily Kos Markos Moutilsas, Eric Boehlert of Media Matters for America, Arianna Huffington, and Jane Hamsher of Firedog.com march out with PCW Television Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D).   Chism says Palin has endorsed Gingrich and it’s okay, two self aggrandizing attention seekers sticking together.

Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R) then walks down to the ring.  She points out that Palin & Gingrich are both unconventional, they
don’t fit into the mold of your typical Washington insider, and they’re not
afraid of a woman.  Chism says Palin is a poor excuse for a woman and tells Jones to get out of his ring.  Jones dares him to do something about it.  Chism slaps her in the face.  Jones kicks him in the groin.

A referee slides into the ring but before anything else can happen, PCW
Security run to the ring and drag the Eskimo Queen out.  PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) aide de camp Joe Biden (D-DE) walks out and informs Chism that if he’s going to fight anyone tonight, it’s going to be fellow Democrats Yamamoto Tanaka and O’Beck Bahama.

Biden: “You’ve been complaining about not getting your due respect.  Tonight, we’re going to settle this once and for all.  Per PCW CEO Barack Obama, the winner of this match will become the Democrats #1 wrestler.”

As Tanaka and Bahama come down the ramp, Biden recognizes a group flown in to see the show from San Francisco, California.  He flashes them a thumbs up and congratulates them on their football team’s success.  Biden then adds, “The Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl!”

Suave: “WHAT?”

Bahama and Chism both facepalm themselves.

Joe Biden Congratulates The San Francisco Giants “On Their Way
…
Joe Biden Gaffe in SanFran: Giants are Going to Super Bowl| Brian …

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Rick Perry (R-TX) is in the ring with his wrestler Texas Jack and he
announces that he’s dropping out of the contest to be the Republican
representative to challenge PCW CEO Barack Obama in November.

Perry: “I have come to the conclusion that there is no viable path forward
for me in 2012.  I know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat.”

Perry thanks Texas Jack and then leaves the ring.

Perry bows out of GOP race
Perry Drops Out. Endorses Newt. Will Campaign and Serve.
Perry: Newt is GOP ‘visionary’
GOP 2012: Perry dropping out; Newt’s
scorched-earth karma; and a Final Four debate; Update: Perry endorses
“visionary” Newt

MATCH #2
Cathy- the Obnoxious, Bitchy Dance Mom vs. Abby Lee- the
Over the Top, Autocratic Dance Company Owner

Suave: “What the hell is this all about?”

Suave: “As I said, what the hell is this all about?”

[The bell rings and both Abby Lee and Cathy start insulting each other...

*'Meaning of Life' by Disturbed begins to play*

PCW Women's Champion, PCW's 'Queen of Extreme' Valora Salinas (I) hits the ring.  Cathy demands to know what she's doing there.
Valora whips her into the ring corner.  Then she grabs Abby Lee by the arm and whips her and her sizeable girth into Cathy.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

[Valora grabs a chair from the outside and slides back in.  She tosses the
chair in the air and hits a standing dropkick onto the chair and smashes it into both women.]

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Crowd: “PCW!…PCW!…PCW!”

BACKSTAGE
‘Focus on the Family’ founder Dr. James Dobson, flanked by The Right Rev. Randy Richardson (R) and The God Squad: Rev. Oral Hinnrich and Rev. Buddy Flambe, talks with PCW Investigative Reporter Woodward Bernstein.  Dobson endorses Rick Santorum (R-PA) for the Republican nominee for PCW CEO.

Dr. Dobson: “Not only is Rick Santorum an authentic conservative; Rick
Santorum is the authentic winner of Iowa.  Look at this…”

Replay: Drama in Des Moines (IA)
Scott gains the upper hand late and Santorum sneaks in and blows blinding powder into Scott’s eyes.  Scott can’t see and Richardson gets ready to drill him with a steel-folding chair.

Dr. Dobson explains that in reality Scott’s shoulders were on the mat for 3
seconds and the referee should have called the match for Rev.Richardson.   He calls for Rick Perry and his supporters to join the one, true ‘conservative- Rick-”

Perry, Gingrich, and Palin walk past the ring.

Suave: “What was that, Dr. Dobson?”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MAIN EVENT- 3 Way Dance- non title
Winner Becomes the Democrats #1 Wrestler
Yamamoto Tanaka (D) vs. PCW Television Champion
‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

[...Tanaka has Chism in trouble.  Bahama hangs back and waits.  Tanaka on the top rope...JAPANESE SUPERDESTROYER ON THE WAY!.
Christopher Dodd (D-CT), chairman and CEO of the Motion Picture Association of America and advocate for SOPA runs to the ring with a steel folding chair.  He climbs in the ring and blasts Tanaka from behind with the chair.  Tanaka drops Chism who falls back into the ring and falls out of the ring.  Dodd then turns to Bahama and clocks him with the chair.  Bahama down.  Dodd rolls Chism over on top of Bahama...1...2...3.]

Bahama eliminated at 7:19.

[Tanaka, angry after the chair shot, climbs back into the ring.  Chism takes
the chair and waffles him a second time with it.  Tanaka slumps over the top rope.  Chism drags him over the top and back into the ring.   He
covers…1…2…3.

WINNER: ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism @
8:02

Dodd gets on the mic afterwards and complains that blackout day is a “dangerous” “gimmick” “designed to punish elected and administration
officials who are working diligently to protect American jobs from foreign
criminals.”

Dodd: “It is an irresponsible response and a disservice to people who rely on them for information and use their services.  It is also an abuse of power given the freedoms these companies enjoy in the marketplace today.  It’s a dangerous and troubling development when the platforms that serve as gateways to information intentionally skew the facts to incite their users in order to further their corporate interests.”

Suave: “I’m sorry, is this the same guy who got special treatment from
subprime mortgage companies during the friggin’ meltdown?  Really?”

Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing
After Dodd exits, the PCW Champion Daniel-San (I), accompanied by Mrs. Miyagi, walks out for the Daniel-San v. Valora Salinas match signing for Saturday.  Soon after, Valora joins him.

Daniel-San and Valora both sign the contract.  Before anyone can say
anything, John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang (R) – Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy. attack again.

Daniel-San gets laid out.  Valora fights back and takes out three of the four
Cobra Cons before the fourth connects with a spinning heel kick and knocks her out.   Creese and the Cobra Cons stand tall in the ring as the show ends.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN Report
Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
Fort Wayne, IN
Thursday January 5th, 2012
Host: Johnny Suave

The first PCW Political War on P-SPAN show began with a video recap of ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott’s, backed by Mitt Romney, hard fought, closer than expected victory in the Iowa Caucus Rumble match Tuesday night over The Right Reverend Randy Richardson, backed by Rick Santorum.

Rick Santorum (R-PA) opened the show in the ring crowing about his showing in Iowa on Tuesday night.  Santorum, joined in the ring by The Right Reverend Randy Richardson…

The Right Reverend Randy Richardson (R)
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Scarsdale, NY
FIN:  Chairshot or Caneshot

…and Richardson’s God Squad:

Rev. Oral Hinnrich
HT: 6-0  WT: 190
HOME: Biloxi, Mississippi
FIN: P.O.C. (The Power of Christ)

Rev. Buddy Flambe
HT: 5-11 WT 189
HOME: Beaumont, Texas
FIN: P.O.C.

declared “GAME ON!” and vowed to take the fight to Mitt Romney (R-MA) and his wrestler ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott…

Former 2 Time PCW Champion
‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
HT: 6′ 3″  WT: 245
HOME: Ottumwa, IA
FIN: American Stars and Fuji Armbar

Santorum vowed to end PCW CEO Barack Obama’s (D-IL) reign of terror but he was challenged by American Heartland Coalition member Charlie Blackwell.

Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland Coalition)
HT: 6′ 4″  WT: 215
HOME: New Braunfels, TX
FIN: Tazzmission (Katahajime)

Blackwell called Santorum is K-Street millionaire who made his money using his ‘political insider’  status.  Blackwell was then interrupted by Washington Post columnist Charles Krauthammer.  Krauthammer called Santorum a ‘worthy candidate’ who’s knowledgeable, article, of stable character, and ‘authentic ideology.’

Washington Post: Charles Krauthammer article

MATCH #1
Goat (I) vs. Jon Huntsman (R)

Goat bites Huntsman.  Huntsman stays calm.  The match ended up a draw.

Backstage, a Republican Super-PAC visited former PCW Champion Yamamoto Tanaka…

Former Three Time PCW Champion
Yamamoto Tanaka (Free Agent)
HT: 6′ 9″ WT: 350
HOME: Nagano, Japan
FIN: Japanese Super Destroyer

The members of the Super-PAC walked into Tanaka’s dressing room carrying briefcases overflowing in cash.

Next, a replay of PCW CEO Barack Obama’s announcement concerning the PCW Women’s Tag Team title and PCW Men’s Title from Tuesday night.

…Obama announces that the PCW Women’s Tag Team division has been shelved.   ABC’s Jake Tapper asks if this has anything to do with the fact that two Republicans just won the title belts back (last month at PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV).  Obama’s PR…er…Press Secretary Jay Carney vehemently denies any connection.  Carney says that Obama tried to work with the Republicans in the PCW Competition committee for a fair resolution to the issue.   Carney adds the Republicans refused to work with Obama so the PCW CEO took matters into his own hands.

Obama then announces the return of the PCW Television Title belt to replace the PCW Men’s Title- currently held by Democrat ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism.  Thursday night on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN, there will be the start of a tournament to crown a new #1 contender for the TV belt who will face Chism next Monday on PCW Extreme Political TV.

The start of the tournament to determine the #1 contender for the newly reactivated PCW Television Title was next.

MATCH #2- Semi-Final Match for the PCW Television Title #1 Contender
Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters vs. O’Beck Bahama (D)

Magnum PO’d
HT: 6′ 3″ WT: 235
HOME: Honolulu, HI
FIN: Porsche Plunge
VALET: Robyn Masters

O’Beck Bahama
HT: 6’2” WT: 245
HOME: Fort Lauderdale, FL
FIN: Bahama Backbreaker

Bahama defeated Magnum P.O.’d with the Bahama Backbreaker after PCW Officials came to the ring and arbitrarily removed Robyn Masters from ringside.  The distraction allowed Bahama to hit Magnum low to set up the Bahama Backbreaker.

PCW Champion Daniel-San…

Current PCW Champion Daniel-San (I)
HT: 5’10″  WT: 180
HOME: Newark, New Jersey
FIN: Cattle Mutilation/Crane Kick

…walked out after the commercial break and accepted the Championship Wrestling Council’s Superstar of the Year award.

CWC Rankings Superstar of the Year 2011 – Daniel-San (PCW)

Daniel-San finished the year in top spot after a strong finish and will look to maintain his position at the top of the PCW pile next year.

The crowd gave Daniel-San a standing ovation and he thanked everyone for their support.  Daniel-San stated that he loved the fans and was proud to stick up for the little guy- something that’s lacking in the world of political wrestling.

As Daniel-San thanked the PCW fans, lurking ominously in the back and watching: John Creese and his Cobra Conservative gang- Johnny, Dutch, Tommy, and Jimmy.

Next, a video replay of PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas’s…

PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas
HT: 5-9 WT: 165
HOME:  South Central, California
FIN:  Aztec Moonsault/Tequila Sunrise

…rant from Tuesday night…

…Valora destroys KRC and Border Tosses her out of the ring.  She takes the microphone and says she’d challenge both women to a three way match with the title on the line, but Valora has biggest game in mind- a title shot for the PCW Title belt against Daniel-San (I).

Valora makes it clear that if anyone deserves first shot at the PCW title it’s her after she dispatched ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism last month at the Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) walked out and arbitrarily declared Kathryn Randall Collins (D) the winner of Iowa match and threatened to strip Valora of Women’s Title if she doesn’t accept a title match with KRC.   He sent PCW officials to the back to bring out Valora.  They broke into her dressing room- the PCW Women’s Champion was nowhere to be found.

MAIN EVENT: Semi-Final match #2- #1 Contender for the PCW Television Title
Charlie Blackwell (American Heartland) vs. ’New Age Sensitive Guy’ Blaine Thomas-Taylor (D)

Republican John Boehner (R-OH), leader of the PCW Competition Committee ran out and vehemently protested Obama’s booking in giving another Democrat a slot for the title.    Obama’s PR…er…press secretary Jay Carney dares Boehner to try and stop them.

Blackwell was attacked mid-match by Big Labor and his Big Union cronies…

’The Self Described Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor
HT: 5’10″  WT: 300
HOME: New York City, NY
FIN: Scabbuster
MGR: Union Maid

James the Jeep Worker
HT: 5’10″, WT: 221
HOME: Toledo, OH
FIN: The Assembly Line

The California Teacher’s Union
’The Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta
HT: 6’5″  WT: 245
HOME: Warsaw, Poland
FIN: Foul Pole
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

Malibu Dusty
HT: 5’9, WT: 195
HOME: Bakersfield, CA
FIN: Picket Line
MGR: Gov. Jerry Brown

…allowing New Age Sensitive Guy to hit his finisher, soccer’s bicycle kick, after first apologizing to Blackwell for what he was about to do.

Post match, PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas ran out and hit a sick missile dropkick to New Age Sensitive Guy.  The Big Union forces chased after her as the show ended.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #3
T-Roy and K-Roy (R) vs. The Green World Order: ‘Extreme Vegan’ Brock Cole Lee and GreenPete w/PeaceNick and Peta from PETA (D)

The Republicans new tag team get set to debut.  But first, GreenPete gets on the mic to say a couple words.  GreenPete quotes from an article in Germany‘s Der Spiegel magazine ‘the Republican race is dominated by ignorance, lies and scandals. The current crop of candidates for PCW CEO have shown such a basic lack of knowledge that they make George W. Bush look like Einstein. The Grand Old Party is ruining PCW’s reputation.’

GreenPete then calls T-Roy and K-Roy the poster children for the stupid, redneck, uncivilized rabble the Republicans attract.  GreenPete protests the impending violence inside the ring while outside the ring with the Occupy Wall Street folks: Nate, Shane, and Adam.

T-Roy: Listen, are you here to wrassle or are you here to run your pie-hole all night long?”

Lee answers the question by tackling T-Roy and the match is on.

…K-Roy drops the elbow on GreenPete.  Brock Cole Lee runs in, K-Roy tosses him into the corner.  Nate from the OWS comes up behind K-Roy.  He goes for the Occupation Obliteration but T-Roy slams a steel chair over Nate’s head.  K-Roy stomps him a bit then  sets up the table.  Shane and Adam of the OWS in…T-Roy in with a chair and blasts Shane right into Adam.  K-Roy then hits a K-Bomb through the table on GreenPete and that’s it…1…2…3.

WINNER: K-Roy and T-Roy (R) @ 15:09

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Alec Baldwin headed for the ring.  Suave replays what went down Monday night on PCW Extreme Political TV.

Replay: PCW Extreme Political TV
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate.  Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

Baldwin whips out his iPad and says: “I’m just so mad, I’m just going to…going to…” Then he feverishly types something on his iPad.  “There!  I guess I told you huh?”

Suave: “He just tweeted from the ring.  How cool.”

Baldwin goes into a full fledged rant about Republicans and even notes that he changed his description on twitter to Conservative Christian, Gun Lover, Mom.  He goes off on the Flight Attendent who ‘got the better of him’ Monday night and calls her someone who walks the aisles of an airplane with a whistle around their neck and a clipboard in their hands and they have made flying a Greyhound bus experience.’

Baldwin turns to leave but is interrupted by Greyhound CEO Dave Leach carrying a piece of luggage.   Leach is unhappy over the actor’s Greyhound bus reference and lets him have it.

Leach: “First of all, we have hundreds of new buses in our fleet where we’ve added more legroom, leather seats, power outlets and free Wi-Fi,” Leach notes. “I think you especially would find the latter two amenities exciting, because we don’t require our customers to turn off their electronic devices…ever. You could therefore play Words With Friends® during your entire trip and nobody would give you any grief over it.”

Baldwin dismisses Leach and starts to climb out of the ring.  Leach swings his luggage and blasts Baldwin in the back with it- causing the actor get himself hung up in the ropes.

Leach: “Should you still decide not to try us, even after I’ve shared with you all of the exciting changes we’ve made here at Greyhound, all I ask from you is a simple apology.  We are not the same company we used to be … Greyhound is an American icon, a proud company that many people depend on to get them to their destinations, the same people who watch your films and TV show.”

Leach then cracks Baldwin again with the luggage and leaves.

MATCH #4
California Teacher’s Union: ‘Foul Pole’ Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty (D) w/Pet Governor Jerry Brown (D-CA) vs. Tommy Frick and Ralphie Fraack (I)

Golatta hits the ‘Foul Pole’ on Frick and this one’s quick and easy.

WINNER: California Teacher’s Union @ 1:11

BACKSTAGE
In the business office, there’s a huge brouhaha about the night’s receipts.  Jon Corzine is surrounded by PCW officials.

Corzine: “I simply do not know where the money is, or why the accounts have not been reconciled to date.”

Corzine added that he was “stunned” to learn that he could not account for the money.   Then a cannonball blasted through the wall whizzed by Corzine’s head before exiting through another wall.

Suave: “What the f-”

Suave: “OHHHHHHH!  It makes perfect sense now.”

Mythbuster Adam Savage enters the room.  “Yeah, sorry about that.”

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Separate shots of both Keith Olbermann (D) and ‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin (R) entering the QWest Center earlier in the evening.  Olbermann and Palin are ‘cover boy and girl’ for the upcoming Jesusland vs. Progressiveville novel due out next month.

MITT ROMNEY (R-MA) HEADQUARTERS
Supporter John Sununu (R-NH) bangs his fist on the table and says: ““The off-the-cuff comment, for example, that Gingrich throws out on occasion is a reflection on the off-the-cuff thinking that he goes through to deal with issues, and that is not what you want in a commander in chief.”

Romney tries to psych up his wrestler, ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) before his big match against O’Beck Bahama (D).

Suave notes that Romney would like nothing more than to stem the big momentum swing in Newt Gingrich’s (R-GA) favor by having Scott knock off long time rival Bahama.

RON PAUL’S (R-TX) HEADQUARTERS
As Ron Paul also frets about Gingrich’s rise, Jack Schmidt (R) paces back and forth.  Paul tries to think of some way to ‘expose’ Gingrich’s weaknesses.

MAIN EVENT:
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs. ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) w/Mitt Romney (R-MA)

Both men have put on absolute top notch matches against each other over the past four years.  This one is no exception.  Bahama seems to be rounding back into form.  Scott is as focused as ever.  The match turns when…

…Jack Schmidt is out!  He runs to the ring and he’s got a brick!  Bahama has Scott set up for the Bahama Backbreaker.  Schmidt climbs up the corner turnbuckle and puts the brick in the rear of his trunks.

Suave: “HE’S GOING TO TRY TO DROP A SCHMIDT-BRICK ON BAHAMA!”

Schmidt turns his back and jumps.  Bahama whips Scott forward and Schmidt nearly takes his head off.

Suave: “HE MISSED.  SCOTT GOT SCHMIDT-BRICKED INSTEAD!”

Scott out.  Bahama makes the easy cover.  1…2…3.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama (D)

Suave:  So, the PCW Title Match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville will be a three way dance between champion Daniel-San (I), Magnum P.O.’d (R), and former  champion O’Beck Bahama (D).  That’s all for this-”

BACKSTAGE
‘The Alaskan Pitbull’ Sarah Palin, one half of the cover for the novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville, is laid out on the floor unconscious.

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!  SOMEONE TOOK OUT THE ALASKAN PITBULL!  WHO DID IT?  WE’LL FIND OUT NEXT WEEK.

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 1
QWest Center
Omaha, NE
Thursday December 8th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

Suave: “TEN days away from PCW’s Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV show!

The year is 2017.  In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date.  With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit?  Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Suave runs down the card to date:

PCW Title Match:
(c) Daniel-San (I) vs. Magnum P.O.’d (R) w/Robyn Masters and Newt Gingrich (R-GA)

PCW Men’s Tag Team Title Match:
(c) Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D) vs. The Schmidt Brothers: Jack and Joe w/Ron Paul (R-TX) and Jim Schmidt

PCW Women’s Tag Team Title Match-Three Way Dance:
(c) The Korver Sisters: Kelly and Korey (D) vs. The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) vs. Merchants of Death: Angel Scott and Angel Casey (R)

PCW CEO Barack Obama (D-IL) comes out and welcomes everyone to Iowa…no, I mean Kansas…no Nebraska.

Obama announces that he is once again is going around the PCW Competition Committee and booking a very special match for tonight’s show.  His former protegee O’Beck Bahama (D) goes up against ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R) and Obama adds a stipulation- if Bahama wins he will be added to the PCW title match at Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.  If Scott wins, he will take the place of fellow Republican Magnum P.O.’d in the match.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #1- PCW Women’s #1 Contender Match
‘The American Girl’ Sarah Mae Smith (R) vs. Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Smith looking for a shot at the reigning PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I).  KRC wants her shot at winning back the PCW Women’s title.

…Smith in control.  She locks Collins up in the cobra clutch.   Then Union Maid, Soccer Mom, and Code Pink (D) hit the ring.  Soccer Mom yells “It’s For the Children!”  and belts Smith in the mouth with a right hand.  Code Pink fires off a Glitter Bomb and blinds Smith.  Union Maid lifts her up and gets ready to deliver the Scabbuster when…

Suave: “IT’S LANI HARLOT- THE TRAILER PARK QUEEN!”

Lani Harlot w/the White Trash Posse: Shane and Jeff

Harlot and the Posse clean house.  Outside the ring, Harlot drags Soccer Mom down and locks in the White Trash Compactor.

Back in the ring, Smith connects with a missile drop kick and rolls up KRC.  But KRC grabs the tights at the last possible second and rolls Smith.  1…2…3.

WINNER: Kathryn Randall Collins (D)

Post match, this picture appears on the screen…

Valora storms the ring with a briefcase and cracks it over KRC’s head.  She puts the Democrat in a Bow and Arrow-type submission move and won’t let up.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Back from break, PCW Men’s Champion Stone Chism, seconded by Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian, is now in the ring while KRC is being attended to.   Valora stands in the corner and glares at ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List.’ Chism asks that the new PCW Top 5 contenders list be put up.

SINGLES CONTENDERS:
#1- Magnum P.O.’d (R)
#2- ‘American Citizen’ Kevin Scott (R)
#3- O’Beck Bahama (D)
#4- Charlie Blackwell (I)
#5- Valora Salinas (I)

Chism calls Valora’s appearance in the top 5 a complete joke.  He calls her extreme…

Suave: “Yeah, the Queen of Extreme, thank you.”

…and says she might be able to handle weaklings like Charlie Blackwell (I) but she could not stay in the ring with a man who actually knows what he’s doing- like him.  Kim starts pointing her finger at Valora and shouts something at her.  Valora’s face turns beet red but then she asks for a mic.  She challenges Chism and Kardashian to a tag team match tonight against her and…Kris Humphries!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Suave announces that the match is on between Valora Salinas and Kris Humphries and Stone Chism/Kim Kardashian.

MATCH #2
PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (I) and Kris Humphries vs. PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian

The match starts and Chism refuses to wrestle Valora.  He demands Humphries gets into the ring instead.

…Humphries tags in and now it’s him vs. Kim.  Kardashian tries to tag out but Chism is busy jawing with some fans.  Valora pounds on the ropes and tells him to go after Kim.  Humphries hesitates.  Valora again exhorts him to wrestle Kim.  Again Humphries dithers.  Finally, Valora climbs through the ropes into the ring.  She gets into Humphries’ face- Kris pushes her back.  Valora kicks him in the balls and hits the stunner.  Kim jumps up and down and claps.  Valora drags Humphries up and whips him into Kim.

They hit head to head and both Kardashian and Humphries are KO’d.  Valora turns Humphries over on top of Kim.  Chism puts one foot in the ring but does not attempt to rescue Kardashian.  1…2…3.

WINNER: Valora Salinas and Kris Humphries @ 8:32

Valora turns her back on Chism for a split second and then catches him trying to Pearl Harbor her.  Chism scrambles back out but Valora grabs him by the hair.  She kicks Chism in the balls and then stuns him, snapping his neck over the top rope and sending the Men’s Champion flying backwards to the floor.

Replay: Last Week on PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN
PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) snatches Valora from behind.  Lift…HOLLYWOOD BLOCKBUSTER ON THE FLOOR!

Suave: “HOLY CRAP!”

Valora’s out.  Chism pulls her up and throws her into the ring.   Kim and Kourtney get in a couple shots.  Chism gets on the mic and chides Valora for actually thinking that she, the PCW Women’s Champion, can compete with him- or any man for that matter.  He slaps her face and the SRB get in a couple more shots.  Chism calls for his bag and a ring tech throws it to him.  He reaches in and pulls out a couple oven mitts.  Chism says it’s time Valora knew her role and that’s in the kitchen.  He puts the oven mitts on her hands.

Suave: “I love watching the left do sexism.”

Chism pulls out an apron next.  He rolls Valora over and puts the apron on her.  Kim and Kourtney laugh at the PCW Women’s Champion.  Chism says Valora will never, ever be good enough to be in the same ring with him.  He adds that Valora should go back home, have babies, and leave pro wrestling to the big boys.

Valora opens up the briefcase she’s had with her all night long- inside is a French Maid’s uniform.  She then dresses Chism up in the outfit and flips him off as she leaves.

END OF HOUR ONE

PCW Extreme Political TV Recap
Gallagher-Iba Arena
Stillwater, OK
Monday December 5th, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #1
American Airlines Flight Attendent defeated Alec Baldwin @ 7:22
-it all began with a flight attendant scolded Baldwin for playing ‘Word with Friends’ on his iPad while the airplane was at the gate.  Baldwin then got up and demanded to know what her name was and it escalated from there.

BCS Chief Bill Hancock walks out and is roundly booed by the Stillwater crowd.  Hancock crows that ‘once again,  the BCS has delivered.’  He says the best two teams, Alabama and LSU, are in this game and ‘obviously, the media who votes in the AP poll, agrees with it.’

Charlie Blackwell and his Les Miserables walk out and calls the BCS a fraud.

Hancock: “In the BCS, every game counts.”

Blackwell: “Tell that to Boise State.   The Mountain West.  The Mid-American Conference.”

Then Oklahoma State Coach Mike Gundy comes out and let’s the BCS have it in his own inimitable style…

Suave: “Isn’t Mike Gundy 43 now?”

Hancock is tackled from behind by Boise State football coach Chris Peterson.  Then the University of Alabama field goal kicker runs out.  He tries to kick Peterson…but he misses.  The kicker tries again…he misses a second time.  The kicker keeps trying…but he keeps missing the mark.

PCW CEO Barack Obama at Osawatomie, Kansas
Obama: “Good to be back in Texas.”

Suave: “Huh?  You know if Rick Perry or Sarah Palin or any other conservative candidate would said that, it’d be all over the news.  Kansas.  Texas.  Pre-law.  Pre-med.”

MATCH #2 PCW Women’s Title Match
(c) Valora Salinas (I) retains the title over Union Maid (D) @ 9:02

Post match, PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim Kardashian come out to confront Valora.  From behind, six foot two, two hundred pound Cassidy McConnell (D) jumps Valora and choke slams her.   Kim gets in a few cheap shots and then the trio split when The Mercenaries: former Army Ranger Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovelevski (I) make the save.

MAIN EVENT:
Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit (R) w/Texas Tex def. Charlie Blackwell and Average Joe (I) @ 11:47

Big Oil and Walstreit get the win when BCS chief Bill Hancock comes out again and distracts Blackwell.

Post match, rich, fat cat representatives of the Rose, Orange, Sugar, and Fiesta Bowl attack Blackwell and Average Joe, for good measure.

Big Oil gets on the mic and demands a title shot against Tag Team champions Big Union: ‘The Self Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor and James the Jeep Worker (D)

PCW Politics is War on P-SPAN- Hour 2
Peoria Civic Center
Peoria, IL
Thursday December 1st, 2011
Host: Johnny Suave

MATCH #3
Jerome Simpson (Cincinnati Bengals)
vs.
Scott Fujita (Cleveland Browns)

First one knocked off his feet loses the match.

WINNER: Scott Fujita @ :09

New York Time’s columnist David Brooks cuts a promo on the Huntsman Girls and criticizes their new video (see hour 1).  After admitting that he was a ’19 century guy’, Brooks had this to say…

Brooks: “Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake. It’s why the Mormon Tabernacle Choir does not do Kanye West, and so, I like dignity in daughters. And so, I never like these moments.”

Afterwards, all three Huntsman girls came out and knocked Brooks silly all the way back into the 19th century.

COMMERCIAL BREAK
Daily Caller-”Brooks to Huntsman girls: ‘Unless you’re as cool as Justin Timberlake, don’t do Justin Timberlake’”

Backstage
Herman Cain (R-GA) goes into a room to discuss the future of his run for PCW CEO with his wife.

Suave: “The scuttlebutt is that the ongoing rumors about his possible affairs combined with the injury that Pizza Delivery Guy Josh Jackson (R) suffered at Oakland University during a Republican gauntlet match three weeks ago may push Cain out of the race.  Stay tuned.

MATCH #4
O’Beck Bahama (D) vs.  Charlie Blackwell (I) w/’No Frills’ Chris Escondido

Bahama gets the pin with the help of Big Union.  Midway through the match, Democrats ‘The Self-Proclaimed Savior of the Middle Class’ Big Labor, James the Jeep Worker, Union Maid, and the California Teacher’s Union: Andy Golatta and Malibu Dusty came out with ‘the permission of the National Labor Relations Board’  and ambushed Blackwell in the ring.

WINNER: O’Beck Bahama @ 7:49

COMMERCIAL BREAK: in less than three weeks, PCW Jesusland vs. Progressiveville PPV.  Brought to you by the upcoming novel Jesusland vs. Progressiveville.

The year is 2017.  In a world where harsh divisions and economic strife have pulled the United States apart, Stacey Martin, Kate Wilson, and the Washington Freedom Force find themselves on the front line protecting the, now, free city of Washington D.C. and the American Reconciliation Summit- an attempt to reunite the fifty states into one country once again.

But when a multi-national mega-corporation with another agenda in mind attempts to disrupt the reconciliation talks, Stacey and Kate face their biggest challenge to date.  With the future of a possible reconstituted United States in the balance, can Stacey and Kate stop the forces against reconciliation from undermining the summit?  Or will the corporation make sure the talks suffer a cataclysmic, catastrophic failure of nuclear proportions.

Written by the irrepressible, onerous, and uber-mysterious Mr. A. Nominous, Jesusland vs. Progressiveville is a roller coaster ride of a political satire lampooning the sorry state of today’s American politics.

Soccer Mom shouts out “It’s for the children” everytime she hits a move.  Martin, who’s featured in the upcoming book Jesusland vs. Progressiveville with Rah, hits the Pizza Cutter on her for the good of everyone in the building.

WINNER: ‘Extreme Pizza Delivery Girl’ Tessa Martin @ 5:55

Herman Cain walks out after the match and announces he suspending his campaign for PCW CEO.   He repeatedly called the allegations made against him of misconduct “false and untrue” and added that “the media spin hurts.”

Suave adds that Josh Jackson will be out six months due to a rotator cuff injury.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

MATCH #5
Case Keenum, University of Houston Quarterback (Non-BCS) vs.  Southern Mississippi Quarterback Austin Davis (Non-BCS)

Can Davis stop Keenum’s drive towards a huge BCS payday for the University of Houston Cougars?  Yes, thanks to Corporate Might: Big Oil and Kirk Walstreit- the Wall Street Market Analyst with the Man Crush on ESPN’s Kirk Herbstreit.  Corporate Might, joined by ESPN analysts Craig James, Mark May, Chris Fowler, and Rece Davis, attack Keenum during the match and allow Davis to get the easy pin.

WINNER: Austin Davis of S. Mississippi and the BCS who gets to keep a non-BCS conference team out of the BCS bowl system @ 8:20

BACKSTAGE
Kourtney Kardashian announces she’s pregnant.

Suave: “The good news is that the baby isn’t Justin Bieber’s.”

MAIN EVENT:
The Mercenaries: Dawn McGill and Svetlana Kovalevski (I) vs.
The Triple Threat: ‘Texas Cowgirl’ Haley Dallas and Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen (R)

McGill and Kovalevski are attacked mid-match by PCW Men’s Champion ‘The One Man Hollywood A-List’ Stone Chism (D) and Skanky Rich Bimbo Kim.

The Mercenaries chase Chism towards the back where he is viciously clotheslined by a waiting PCW Women’s Champion Valora Salinas (D).  Valora, extremely pissed off by Chism’s attack on her in hour 1, uses an iron skillet and a cheese grater to leave Chism in a bloody heap in the aisle.

WINNER: No Contest @ 12:26

In the ring, Kim gets ‘Eskimo Pie-Faced’ by Kalee Jones- The Eskimo Queen and is laid out face down as the show ends.