On the release of top-secret memos

I am absolutely convinced it was the right thing to do — not because there might not have been information that was yielded by these various detainees who were subjected to this treatment, but because we could have gotten this information in other ways, in ways that were consistent with our values, in ways that were consistent with who we are.

Translation
I don’t care if these memos say that they used a gentler means to yield information from these detainees before they employed harsher techniques. I know who these sadistic right-wing extremists are, and they really used the harsher techniques ASAP because they get a sexual gratification from putting pain on people. Yeah, I told Janet and DHS to keep a watchful eye on these guys because I am not seeing the love and loyalty to ME from them.


Remark in a speech to FBI employees

We know that al Qaeda is not constrained by a constitution

Translation
Dang, I envy al Qaeda for not being constrained by a constitution. That U.S. Constitution thingy is such a drag on getting what I want accomplished. I’ll just ignore it, or have some pals of mine on the bench run interference for me, but I still have some envy for those al Qaeda guys. Except for their digs of course, because I do have better living quarters and creature comforts here in the White House than they have in those caves over there.


Remark in a speech at the National Academy of Sciences

Our future on this planet depends on our willingness to address the challenge posed by carbon pollution.

Translation
Work with me guys. Work with me. I know that carbon has always been considered one of the essential elements for the existence of life. I just need you to re-frame carbon as a pollutant. Calling carbon a pollutant makes it a bad thing that can be taxed just like beer, and cigarettes, and ammo. The money that can be had from a tax on carbon is bigger than anything that has ever been tried before. If you just keep working with me on the meme that carbon is a pollutant, then they will gladly pay the tax so their conscience is clear that they are against pollution. It’s perfect.


Remarks on Chrysler

I don’t stand with those who held out when everybody else is making sacrifices. It was unacceptable to let a small group of speculators endanger Chrysler’s future by refusing to sacrifice like everyone else.


We will be providing additional capital to GMAC to help unlock our frozen credit markets and free up lending so that consumers can get auto loans and dealers can finance their inventories; a measure that will help stabilize not only our auto market, but the broader economy, as well.


I want to remind you that if you decide to buy a Chrysler, your warrantee will be safe — because it is backed by the United States government.

Translation
Who do these people think they are to refuse to make sacrifice to ME – The One? This whole worn out argument of choosing the US contract laws and decisions of a presiding judge in a bankruptcy court instead of following me is just so old fashioned. Look, my administration has got skin in the game, and we are going to coerce our lender of choice, GMAC, to get you the money you need to purchase that car. They got no business saying you don’t qualify for a loan. Does that loyalty and love you showed by voting for ME get you something? Of course it does. In addition now your car warrantee is going to backed by ME. I am Joe Isuzu, and you have my word on it.