We tried to keep it a secret.

Lord knows we did. For at least 3 years conservatives have been lulling the Democrats into thinking we are not the keepers of an over-arching, dark conspiracy to bring America evil things like free markets, deregulation, government of the consenting, free speech, low taxes, small government, freedom of religion, strong national defense, and other evil, arcane, discredited ideas from the 18th century. We’ve given complete, unfettered control of the legislative and executive branches into the hands of the leftists with such majorities that we have (seemingly) no way to influence the direction of our nation.

But alas. They’re not fooled.

Better give up, Jimmy. We’re dealing with geniuses.

It seems TOTUS and his sock puppet have figured it out.

I think early on, a decision was made by the Republican leadership that said, Look, let’s not give him a victory, maybe we can have a replay of 1993, 94, when Clinton came in, he failed on health care and then we won in the mid-term elections and we got the majority. And I think there are some folks who are taking a page out that playbook.

We better give up.

Scrabble Man : Drop the gun, Hallenbeck. [takes Joe's gun and tosses it] Bit late for a stroll, don’t you think?
Joe Hallenbeck : Yeah, you girls oughta be gettin’ home.
Jimmy Dix : Yeah, streetlights are on.
Scrabble Man : Jake? Apprise Rodney Dangerfield here of the situation. [Jake punches Joe in the face] Perhaps we can dispense with the fun and games now, yes?
Joe Hallenbeck : You want the envelope, right?
Scrabble Man : The envelope, very smart. See Jake, here is a man who knows when a situation is untenable.
Joe Hallenbeck : Good word.
Scrabble Man : You like that word? And you do have that envelope, don’t you?
Joe Hallenbeck : Better give up, Jimmy. We’re dealin’ with a couple of geniuses here.
[Jake punches Joe in the face]
Jimmy Dix : Hey man, just leave him alone.
[Jake kicks Jimmy in the groin]
Scrabble Man : Leave him alone? Yeah, sure Jimmy. Whatever you say. Jake here attacks his job with a certain exuberance.
Jimmy Dix : Shoot, we’re being beat up by the inventor of scrabble.
Scrabble Man : He’s still in a good mood, Jake. Kick him again.
Joe Hallenbeck : All right. You want the envelope the hooker had, right?

Contents of ‘the envelope the hooker had’

I really don’t think I’m giving away any secrets of the VRWC (that’s Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy for you total unspoiled n00bs). If Obama can figure it out, the jig’s up anyway. So here’s what we’ve been up to to deny him a victory:

• First, the VRWC is led by “Republican leadership”. See, alot of people did not know that. Alot of people thought that Republican leadership was continually pulling the rest of us centerward. But it’s a fact, because Obama said it (see quote above).
• We’re outnumbered in the Senate 60-40, and in the House 257-178. But thanks to Dick Cheney channeling the The Force™,Deep Magic™,Dark Arts™,True Love™,True Love’s Kiss™, and other powers too dreadful even to mention, we’ve reduced the Muggles Democrats to mere babbling fools who cannot even agree among themselves how to divide and spend the spoils of their electoral plunder.
• We’ve gotten the pollsters to call our members in disproportionate numbers. Because it’s simply not possible for Americans to be against nationalized health care. Right? Right?
• We’ve managed at strategic times to hurl our faces into the fists of very large, peace-loving SEIU thugs kittens.
• When townhall meetings have been called at the last minute, and time/location information has been given only to union leadership, the VRWC has mysteriously been able to find out and send lots and lots of our astro-turfed people to be there. Miraculously, these tend to be actually from that district, a trick the Democrat necromancers have not been able to master.
• We have been able to muster large numbers of protesters without the use of craigslist ads offering $11/hour. Refer above to “The Force”, “Dark Arts” and the like. Truly mysterious. I myself would be stumped if I were not in on the secret.
• At this point, we’ve even gotten the far-left majority press to comment on the political disaster this has become for Democrats and Obama. Truly our powers have grown, because 3 years ago, Iraq was lost and 4.7% unemployment was a near-economic-depression, according to the same press.
• Just so you know, for our next magic trick, watch Cap-and-Trade suffocate without so much as a wimper in one of the cloakrooms off the Senate floor.

Since the secrets have been exposed, and TOTUS is onto us, we’re resetting passwords, renaming, re-vetting, changing tactics and strategic goals in order to do even more damage. Don’t be surprised when we take 80 seats in the House in 2010, and that’s even with ACORN in charge of the elections.

Oh.

I bet you think we haven’t infiltrated ACORN, don’t you.

BWAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA