The build-up to the event will be a blitzkrieg of gushing “man-on-the-street” interviews featuring teary-eyed worshippers proclaiming how utterly empty their lives have been until this moment.

The TV news media’s captioneering will be the most syrupy, sycophantic display of fortune cookie slogans since…well…since the last Democrat was inaugurated. If you haven’t bought stock in the phrase “This is truly an historic moment Katie”,…now would be a good time.

“The One” will enter the city from the east gate, carried upon the shoulders of Joe Biden, or as I like to call it, “riding an ass.” The news commentators will murmur in their most respectful “golf voices” as the adoring onlookers catch their first glimpse of “him”. Keith Olbermann will avert his eyes reverently and sprinkle rose petals on the ground before his feet which, of course, must never touch the ground on which we mortals walk.

The Obama Youth Choir (AKA the Zombie Kids) will sing the “We’re gonna change the world” song as he approaches the podium. Legions of overweight, camouflage-clad teenage floor-stompers will look on as The Chief Justice asks if he is ‘ready to take the oath of office’. At that moment…Obama will seize the bible from the Justice Roberts’ fowled hands! He will announce, “I swear-in myself!… Barack The First!… President!… and Global Citizen!… of the World!”

Is there any way we can get this whole event banned on the grounds that it is a government-sponsored religious display?

It really doesn’t matter what Obama says in his inaugural speech. As long as the “echo effect” is cranked way up…and we just know it will be. He can pretty much read the ingredients on a bag of Tostitos and the media will proclaim it to be, “The Greatest Speech of All Time!” I only hope we don’t have to hear about Chris Matthews’ leg (or whatever else) “tingling” again…but that may be unavoidable.

If all of this won’t be nauseating enough for you, wait until the post-inaugural festivities begin. I’ll summarize the commentary in advance, in case you can’t be one of the “fifty billion” expected to attend:

“Michelle Obama is the most beautiful first lady blah blah blah…like Jackie O”

Obama is the most dignified, regal, and blah blah blah…like JFK, Martin Luther King and Roosevelt.

The Inaugural Address was so eloquent, well-delivered, commanding blah blah blah…reminiscent of JFK, Martin Luther King and Hitler.

The “theme” is so hopeful, changeful and futureful blah blah blah…even more than Heaven’s Gate, the “Manson Family” and that magic bunny rabbit from the cereal box.

Yes, it will be difficult for the media to uphold their strict standards for unbiased, objective coverage in the face of such sheer…Obamanescence! In the coming months we will be treated to stories of how “Barack” has made the list of most popular baby names. We will hear of a “new optimism” sweeping the country with people “smiling a little easier” and being a little more courteous to one another. I will not be surprised if we even hear stories of paraplegics walking again, the blind seeing again, the deaf hearing again and Alec Baldwin acting again.

You haven’t seen Obama-hype like what is in store for us on January 20th. I guarantee it.

The inaugural address is the pinnacle moment of His Excellency’s life and you can bet that his best groupies, the lap dog media, will be pulling out all the stops to make sure that it will live up to the hype…and his presidency too if we let them get away with it.

I don’t intend to. I will be watching “South Park” re-runs on Tuesday.