By Ima Tuele
of the New York TImes

Concern over preserving the Constitutional Rights of the lone Somali pirate not brutally murdered by the US Military in a hostage standoff that could most probably been resolved through negotiations instead of violence, has led the American Civil Liberties Union to airlift a bevy of Civil Rights Attorneys to the Gulf of Aden, in defense of freedom.

ACLU spokesperson Saul Alinsky told The Minority Report I have great concern anytime the military becomes involved in what is essentially a civilian matter. The alleged hijacking and abduction of the captain of the Maersk Alabama by a group of poor Somali fishermen, shows to just what lengths the US Military will go to cover up their misdeeds.”

The ACLU has learned that the Somali fishermen boarded the Merchant Marine vessel in an attempt to use the restroom, as such facilities are not often available in their country. “They were just trying to use the head,” the ACLU spokesman said.

Of particular concern to the ACLU was the report that the lone surviving Somali fisherman, identified as Mahmoud Hussein Abdul Saheed Skyhook, age 16, might be brought to the United State by the FBI for trial. The 15 top attorneys assigned to defend Skyhook, dubbed the “Dream of my fathers Team,” insist that he be granted all the rights of any other illegal alien who comes into this country. Accordingly, they have taken with them a forged Social Security card, Section 8 housing authority paperwork, voter registration forms, and the collected works of Michael Moore on DVD Region 2.

In addition, according to sources, if the pirate is only 16, as has been reported, the ACLU will demand that he be tried in Juvenile Family Court, providing him all the rights any other juvenile would be afforded.

“I certainly hope the Navy Seals properly read our client his Miranda rights,” said one attorney who spoke only on condition of anonymity, because he was not being paid to speak. “My client has every reason to expect that his rights be observed.”

Another concern of the ACLU attorneys was the question of illegal search and seizure. Although the lifeboat on which the Somali fisherman was captured belonged to the Maersk Alabama, the fact that the fisherman had been living on the boat for no less than five days provides evidence that he had made it his domicile, calling into question as to whether the Navy Seals could search the boat for alleged weapons and other incriminating evidence without obtaining a written search warrant from a judge.

“It is entirely possible that all evidence seized might be tainted, and need to be thrown out,” he told TMR. There was also some question, he said as to chain of evidence. “The alleged crime scene was not kept in a pristine condition…anyone could have had access to that boat and could have planted that bloody glove,” he claimed.

Reports that the Navy Seals might have been guilty of excessive use of force, as evidenced by the three head-shot alleged pirates, has caused Rep Jack Murtha to launch an investigation into the incident. “I’m certain that these murderers were forced by President Bush and Vice President Cheney into committing these senseless acts. I know that these boys are under a lot of strain, too much strain,” the doddering old fool exclaimed. Reminded that the President is now Barack Obama, Murtha was heard to mutter, “Whatever…”