Some of you knuckle-dragging teabagger racists may deny and decry this, but it’s true.  How do we know this is true?  I wrote it on a blog. I took fifteen seconds to surf to Redstate, log into my account, and typed “I had an affair with Nancy Pelosi.”  That makes it true.

I can already foresee what some of you right-wing, Bible- and gun-clinging lunatics are going to say: I am opposed to Nancy Pelosi, and this story is just a bunch of bunk meant to drag her into the muck.  However, you are overlooking one serious, objective, undeniable fact: I wrote this on a blog, so it must be true.

If you have any questions, like “Hey, do you have any objective proof whatsoever of this absurd, outlandish accusation?” I’ll be burying my head in the sand, shouting “Yes we can!” and “Redistribute the wealth!” in my head.  Be sure not to do anything radical like contribute to Nikki Haley’s moneybomb.  That would be absolutely crazy.  President Obama is perhaps the most centrist, post-partisan American hero ever to have lived.  I am far too busy kissing the ground he walks on to take your questions.  My deepest and most sincere apologies for the inconvenience.

And folks, please remember: if it was written on a blog, it must be true. No exceptions.

[/sarcasm]

[2] Assume Climategate is true. We can assume anything is true and see what that implies.  This is called a conditional proof.  Don’t worry – we’ll do a conditional proof for “Assume Climategate is false” as well.

[3] If Climategate is true, then the hockey stick graph is a fraud, the CRU destroyed evidence that did not support their position in order to avoid Freedom Of Information requests, the CRU attempted to discredit scientists who disagreed with them, and Phil Jones is not a credible climatologist. Owch.  So sorry, Church of Climatology.  On to the second CP…

[4] Assume Climategate is false. Hey, maybe we really did misunderstand the scientific lingo.  Maybe there was a lot of cherry-picking.  I wasn’t there, so I don’t know for sure.  Let’s just see where this leads.

[5] If Climategate is false, Phil Jones is a credible climatologist. If this whole thing was a “vast right-wing conspiracy,” Phil Jones has no blood on his hands.

[6] If Phil Jones is a credible climatologist, then we must take him seriously when he states that no statistically significant warming has occurred since 1995, the Medieval period was warmer than the present, and there is no scientific consensus on global warming. Straight from the horse’s mouth, folks.

[7] Either [3] or [6] must be true. We established this in [1].

[8] From 7, 3 and 6, we get: the hockey stick graph is a fraud, the CRU destroyed evidence that did not support their position in order to avoid Freedom Of Information requests, the CRU attempted to discredit scientists who disagreed with them, and Phil Jones is not a credible climatologist OR no statistically significant warming has occurred since 1995, the Medieval period was warmer than the present, and there is no scientific consensus on global warming.

So we don’t need to bicker with the MSM about Climategate.  Let the Climatology Apologists explain it away if they want; that just restores Phil Jones’ credibility, which enhances the force of his recent, damning statements about climate “science.”  Either way you slice it, Climatology is a toast.

If successful in rebranding himself, Obama may be able to secure safe passage for his endangered progressive allies – as well as a second term.  I can think of no prospect more terrifying for the safety of the American way of life than a second Obama term.  Without having to worry about a re-election, the Chairman in Chief would be able to go full-tilt implementing his agenda.  It falls upon us to stop this through the most effective means possible: campaigning, spreading the word, and getting out the vote.

Unfortunately, it appears that some poor misguided souls in the GOP may help Obama secure his goals. McConnel, Coryn and company seem ready to provide safe haven for “moderate” Dems and Obama to successfully rebrand themselves into the party and President of the average Joe.

Conservatives must make sure that the GOP big wigs in Washington do no such thing.  I suspect their motivation lies in the fear of being branded as “the party of no” and suffering at the polls.  It would be more effective, however, to dispel the myth surrounding that narrative.  When it comes to health care reform, for example, the Democrats did not need a single Republican vote in order to shove their plan (or should I say plans) down the American people’s throat.  The risk of losing votes by being unable to turn around this obviously false narrative is far less than the risk of keeping the Obama-Pelosi-Reid alliance in office.

The only reason the President is choking down his considerable pride and putting on the centrist act again is because the Dems are on the ropes. If I may be allowed to mix metaphors: we’re up by one, the clock is counting down, their coach has burned their time-out, and any second now they’ll pull their goalie.  Instead of giving up a softy and going into overtime, let’s hammer one home into their empty net!